


Misplaced

by RainbowPreCum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of secrets, Adoption, Age Difference, Broken Hearts, Broken Kids, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Kink, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Genital Mutilation, High School, Human AU, M/M, Multi, Mutilation, Self-Mutilation, Sexual Content, Underage Sex, adopted kids, baiting of a young boy, codependent, kidnap, possible incest, questionable content - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowPreCum/pseuds/RainbowPreCum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slowly his fingers teased my skin. He smiled at me before heading to the steps. I found myself, once again, sad and happy all at once. That reoccurring thought taking up my thoughts..<br/>What even are we?</p><p>---</p><p>He kissed my nose and grabbed his camera posing it just right before taking a photo.<br/>  "So beautiful.." He climbed on top of me ghosting light kisses along my chest and stomach.</p><p>---</p><p>The look of hatred fueled me and made my heart swell in my chest. It was becoming hard to breath so I thanked the stars when he pulled off my sweater.</p><p> ---</p><p>It still felt like the first time, the slow and caring movements, his dirty whispers and his stare. I had myself spread out for him easy to read and quick to please. I didn’t dare close my mutated eyes as i stared into his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Karkat let out a whimper when he felt strong arms squeeze him with love.  
"Honk, honk, my best of friend." His sickly-sweet breath assaulted the tiny crab’s nose.  
"Let go of me Gamzee we have to get to class." It was futile. The hug was just too powerful. And it's not like he didn't welcome the warmth on this cold fall day. Kanaya smiled from her perch on a thick branch in the tree above them. Above her a blonde boy lay along a branch swinging his leg in the breeze. For as long as the bunch could remember they radiated a vibe that drove people off except the select weirdos who didn't share their lunch period. Can you guess who? Probably not.  
Kanaya dropped from the tree with grace and stretched her back before grabbing her light bag. It was a vivid jade color to match her eyes and lipstick. She smiled again at the 5'2 albino currently in the wraps of the 6'5 Latino clown. He was practically in Gamzee's lap. Karkat didn't say anything to Kanaya's motherly gaze he simply grunted before yelling, as if it were possible,to the blonde still lazily dozing in the tree.  
"Strider, get your boyfriend the fuck off of me."  
The boy above hummed in response.  
"Gog fucking.. What do you want in return?" He sighed having played this routine too many times. Gamzee only purred in contentment and licked the smaller ones ear. This however had no effect. It happens after five years of putting up with a bat shit crazy clown. Karkat growled nudging the giant.  
"A slice of pizza." The blonde tilted his head but refused to get up.  
"Done deal." He sighed as the boy almost immediately dropped to the ground and strode over to Gamzee. He gently rubbed the back of the happy giants neck and coaxed him up. Karkat slid out from the trap and gathered up his things. He shivered from the extra force the cold seemed to have on him. He pulled up his black turtleneck to cover his nose before marching inside. Kanaya followed behind him waving goodbye to her friends. Her curvy frame and all her grace vanishing into a sea of bodies. The blonde simply watched his fellow students before he felt his shades being pulled off. He didn't snap only because it was Gamzee. He turned his head and planted his plush ass firmly on the ground. Gamzee smiled in appreciation of his gorgeous soft features and his piercing ever so vivid orange eyes.  
"What's up my mutant bro?" He papped his head smothering the hair.  
"Not much my mirthful messiah." He cracked a smile through his Strider Stoicness. They both took a moment to enjoy the calm before a certain baby brother came bounding out of the building with a set of green and bright blue behind him. Dirk put on back his anime shades as Dave finally came closer and jumped up grabbing a branch and hoisting himself up. He would have warned him to be more careful but of course he wouldn't listen. Jake did the same albeit in a more controlled manner. The baby blue quietly sat down on the ground watching his friends climb. He noticed Gamzee 's attention momentarily flicker to the blue boy and a serene smile spread across his face. Before the boy could react he was tackled to the ground and Gamzee had chosen to lay his head on his stomach. The boy squeaked and lost the tensions as time passed he shifted to find a comfortable position and after doing so simply fell asleep. Dirk felt a twinge of jealousy. He could literally smell the hormones seeping off of Gamzee. He looked up and noticed Dave and Jake talking on the tree. They seemed pleased to snap and trade pictures of the cuddling forms below them. Dirk's phone buzzed and he didn't need to open it to know it was a group message to all their friends of the chucklefucks in front of him. He leaned against the tree allowing his eyes to close before listening to the nonsense around him.


	2. Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a continuation! I hope you're enjoying it ^-^

:-) Dave Strider (-:

"They look so peaceful. Like they found a fountain of the purest Apple Juice."

"I think that would only make you happy." Jake smiled adorkably. "But that's none of my business." He leaned against the tree still eyeing the sleeping boys. I remained as stoic as possible before we both cracked up in a small fit of giggles. After regaining my poker face I expertly shifted my position to face Egderp and his cuddle buddy. I pulled out my phone and leaned forward a bit to get the perfect eagle's eye view of this sweet once in a lifetime blackmail photo. After turning back around and brushing off Dirks cringe from my movements, i sent it out to all my friends. I said blackmail but seriously who gives a fuck this shit is too sweet not to hide. Not a moment after I heard Dirk's phone vibrate and him sigh. He however didn't pull out his phone and went back to relaxing. Jake and I swapped pictures we had piled up over time of all our friends sleeping. Seeing Kanaya drooling with her mouth wide open and her cat like teeth on display gives one an odd satisfaction. Like an underhanded card has been added to your deck of tricks. I dropped down after my plush Strider ass started to hurt, Jake followed after. That's embarrassing.. I should stop referring to my ass that way. I stuff my hands in to my pockets and casually walk over to my sleepy derp. 

After nudging Gamzee I lay my head near Egderp. Holy shit they are warm, though most of that heat seems to be radiating from the sleeping giant. Jake rests his own head on my stomach and after adjusting one final time I remove my shades and tuck them into my hoodie. My eyelids are barely closed just enough for me to see the clouds and the blinding blue. I feel myself slowly relaxing and my breathing become a regular slow pulse. Half way asleep I hear light shuffling but refuse to acknowledge as my head tilts and the crook of my arm goes over my face. Quiet.. Quiet... then, is that laughter? I feel John stir beneath me and I shove my shades on my face and move as much as I can while being used as a pillow. I see Dirk standing over us with his phone. He looks to be texting but one can never be so sure. Then i feel it, my phone is vibrating. I pull it out and open the group message and I inwardly scream. I bolt up so fast Gamzee rolls over in shock letting out a loud HONK while John sits upright. Jake just changes position still laying on the grass though his eyes are open. His phone on his chest and I figure he accepted defeat. I try my best to tackle my dick brother but he just flash steps behind me and I'm met with puppet ass in my gog damn face and the cold hard ground. I growl before jumping up and take a scan of the area finding him nowhere. I turn my attention to my other three friends two looking clueless and one still lying defeated. I relax when John is picked up by Gamzee bridal style. Then I hear it. I flash step my way up the tree where I find my pointy shaded dick staring at the ground. I take this development as a blessing as I kick him but as he falls out the tree he grabs on to a branch and before dropping looks me dead in my eyes.

"Meet me on the roof. Bring Cal." I swallow once he's halfway to the building. It's another ten minutes before I get down. I know that he means after school and that it's just a regular strife but.. He is pissed. I look back at Jake who is now sitting up and with a smaller girl talking to him. I instantly recognize her from the extremely long black hair and mocking voice.

"Sup Vriska." She waves her hand to acknowledge my presence before she continues talking to Jake. He pats the ground and she sits next to him. I watch as he puts his arm around her and rests his head in the crook of her neck. I'd be a liar if I said they weren't cute. Gamzee grabs my arm and yanks me down on top of him his legs spread and me in between. John is lying next to him.

"What the fuck?" I ask him, my voice emotionless. He just smiles and moves to ghost a kiss on my neck. I recoil and find myself on my ass once again. He just laughs with a mixture of honks. Seriously what the fuck? I move to take my brothers seat seeing as he's gone for now. I take out my folded headphones and after plugging them into my phone I blast music to my deprived ears. I shut my eyes and wait for the bell. During all the bull shit only about 25 of the 60 minutes passed.

:-) D-Strider (-:

Dave tried to pin me to the ground but I shoved a smuppet doll in his face and moved behind him. I took the opportunity to shove him to the ground before jumping into the tree and hiding in the thickest brush with the perfect birds eye view. Lil man recovered fast he was already looking for me. I look up and see Vriska sauntering towards our little soiree. She smiles and waves at me, sneaky spider bitch. I hear a slight squeak and I look back down and there it goes. Can you feel my emotions? All of them? Gamzee picked up John bridal style and was now rubbing his head against his. I let out a sharp breath and soon after I feel feet connect with my sides. I twist in the air and latch on to the closest branch. I look up and there's my baby brother and I would be a damn liar I said I wasn't proud. I growl but he doesn't hear.

"Meet me on the roof. Bring Cal." And I drop. I walk towards the building anybody in my way moving to avoid the big Strider. I'm gonna have to make sure I don't hurt Dave in my rage. As I walk the hallways I find myself questioning my relationship with the clown. What even were we? I gritted my teeth but soon relaxed as Tulip rounded the corner. She waved at me before continuing down the hallway. I peek around the corner and I see a familiar bee obsessed hacker standing next to a taller him. "Sup." Was all I got from Sollux and a shy wave from Mituna. I offer a smile to the older one as Sollux leaves to go do whatever he does. He shifts on his feet and I notice his yellow skateboard.

"You skate? Show me some moves." I ask to try to break the ice. He holds his board tight before placing on the ground. He gingerly steps on and I lean on the locker casually watching. He pushes with his left foot and not long after attempts an almost perfect spin. He skids and would have fallen if not for my instincts kicking in. I lower him gently to the ground and his shaking.

"Hey dude it's chill, I can't even do that." I rub his shoulder. He just sobs and for the first time i see his red and blue eyes. I hide my surprise but guess the younger has the same eye discoloration. I help him up and carry his bag and board for as he timidly walks behind me. I don't look up but instantly feel a change in the atmosphere.

"Karkat!" He throws his hands up and rushes to the albino who grumbles but blushes intensely at the contact. He has to bend his knees a bit but he seems ok with that. I look at the pair one dressed solely in black with messy snow colored hair and one in a mix of reds,blues, yellows, and blacks. Mituna shaggy thick brown hair is sticking up in places but is not as messy as Karkat's. Dirk hands the stuff to the boys before saying goodbye and receives a small smile from Tuna. He turns around and heads to his next class. He slips in and once he sits down the teacher looks at him. She was a tall woman with long unruly thick hair. She was dressed in blue. She had a stern look before she smiled

"You're late." Ms. Serket hissed pleasantly.

"Sorry." I know I've got fucking detention. Kanaya sends a paper airplane in my direction. I snatch it and stash it in my pocket while the teacher's back is turned. She isn't looking at me so I guess it's meant to read later. I sigh and begin writing down my notes. Another paper finds its way yo my desk this time it's a pretty pink slip folded neatly being handed to me by perfectly manicured nails. I look up and I see the smirk on her lips and the swish of her hair and hips as she makes her way to her desk. I once again stash it in my pocket.


	3. Third

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit of smut!

o) Gamzee Makara (o:  
My blue bro up and put me to sleep with him being chubby and warm. I remember lil red pushing my head down near blue bros thigh. Can't say I mind much but I was growling to feel that type of heat. I was squirming and fitful all the while dreaming of leaving bites and bruises all over his milky flesh an-  
"HONK!" I don't know what the mother fuck happened, but I was awaken pretty rude nasty by some one. I sat up fast enough to see lil red get shoved face first into the dirt and a shadow leap into the tree. Where'd my mutant go? I see blue bro rubbing his eyes and I can't help but lift him up. He makes an adorable squeak as I nip his ear lobe. My mutant bro drops from the tree and he growls something at lil red but I don't pay attention. Blue bro is so fucking comfortable so we're back on the ground his head on my lap. Vriska is talking to green getting her mother fuckin sway on.  
"Sup Vriska." Lil red is walking our way. He looks a lot like my mutant bro. When he's close enough I grab him and pull him down on top of me. He asks me a question but I want to show him. I kiss his neck before he flings himself away. That's ok though I can get my cuddles on later. I zone out for the rest of the time just playing with Blue bros hair. So soft. Like a cat. Where's Meulin? Who the fuck knows. She's never been down the clown but she sure knows how to paint up. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I realize every ones gone. Blue bro was getting up and waving goodbye with his goofy bucktooth smile. I get up and kiss his cheek before biting his ear again. He doesn't pull away from my affection. A quiet growl escapes my throat when he squeaks and I let him go back to class. I look around trying to find some other friends to chill with. I don't see anyone outside but I feel it start to rain. Fucking rain man, miracles. Where does it come from? Karkat tried telling me once but I goofed it up. Oh well. Everyone's running inside but I don't want to leave this miracle yet. I quickly throw my shirt and sweater on to the tree and run around in the down pour. My face paint is long gone and hair is sticking between my shoulder blades. My skin is covered in goosebumps but it does wonders for my libido. I comb my hair back and adjust my skinny jeans before grabbing my hanging clothes. I'm walking down the hall spitting ill rhymes as I try to find my cat-sis and dog-sis.  
I turn down the hall and I see a tall pretty lady dressed in tight blue clothes. She turns and calls me over.  
"Sup sis." I smile down at her.  
"You didn't show up to any of your classes." She replied kind flat-like and hands me a pink slip. I frown turning to.. What the fuck was I doing? Oh right! Looking for Karkat. I walk with a purpose to the second floor finding skater been doing cartwheels. He sees me and I smile at him.  
"Hi Gam-Gam!" He waves from his seat on the floor.  
"What is up my skater bee?" I'm still shirtless. Karbro will know what to do. I drop my clothes into a plastic bag offered by Tuna. He went back to doing cartwheels. I had a big goofy grin before I went into a handstand. I heard him clap and I decided to entertain him like all good clowns. I walked forward a bit then lowered my feet to the back of my head. He was laughing now and cheering me on. I let my elbows touch the ground before my feet and slid into a bridge before getting up. He was praising me and I'd be a damn liar if I said I wasn't proud of myself.  
"What the fuck are you two doing?" Karkat walked towards us his fluffy hair all up and bouncing everywhere.  
"Gam-Gam was doing tricks." Skater bee hugged Karkat. I knew better then to hug him around Tuna. I felt so bad when he got so upset he all up and cried.  
"That pompous ass clown doing tricks? And what are you still doing here? I thought Sr's had a half day?" "I wanted to wait for you." It was the most adorable moment ever. Karkat smiled at skater bee before looking at me.  
"I thought I was really seeing shit but that was you running in the rain wasn't it." He didn't wait for me to answer before he led me and skater bee to his locker. He opened it pulling out a long sleeved shirt and a towel. He told me to sit and started drying off my hair. The towel was soft sort of like my mutant bro. Karkat rubbed my ears and face before telling me dry my arms and torso off. Once I did he told me wear the shirt he pulled out before.  
"Holy shit it's just my size." I marvel at this little miracle. I heard Karkat sigh.  
"A miracle, Gamzee." We headed for the entrance to meet up with the rest of our little gang. Today was so full of miracles.  
:-) D-Strider (-:  
I leaned my head against the cool stone pillar by the entrance waiting for Rose to show up. Jade was sitting on the ground leaning on my legs. I eyed a familiar lanky figure with a much shorter one. I waved while Karkat walked up to me, Mituna stopping a little bit away.  
"I believe this ass clown is yours?" And just like that I'm on the ground covered in a mass of purrs and cuddles. I can hear Jade giggling as I force my attacker up very gently. He relented but sat up against the pillar with Jade snuggling up between his legs. Karkat went back to fussing over his boyfriend and bantering with Sollux. They turned and said goodbye before walking their own way. We returned to quiet. Gamzee was expertly braiding Jades long thick hair. I watched the clown actually focus on something and he looked so peaceful and alert. I sighed the serenity was broken when he looked up.  
"Hey there cat-sis." He literally purred at Rose. Kanaya was behind her fixing her lipstick. I almost forgot about the little note she sent me during class. I fished it out of my pocket and opened the once neatly folded paper.  
'What do you intend to do with the horny clown?' Her handwriting sure was neat.  
I looked up and realized the girls had already left leaving me and Gamzee alone. I turned towards him and he was smiling up at me softly. I realized he was shaking and his nose was running. Lil man could wait to strife. I helped him up and he leaned against me his nose in my hair.  
"Come on, we gotta get you changed." He held my hand and led me to his place. It wasn't too far off but it was in a rich neighborhood seeing as his family was connected to the Ampora's in business. They were fucking loaded.  
Once inside I was greeted with familiar purple walls. Going up the steps I held on to the black wooden railing and once again found myself in his three bedroom hallway. The end being his father's on the right his brothers and on the left our destination. Kurloz Jr was home, his bedroom door wide open. I knocked then walked in and was greeted with a circular bedroom with ceramic skulls hanging from a white and purple ceiling. He was painting a skeleton with glowing purple eyes and strings dancing across the rest of the wall. He turned and signed his greetings before returning to his art. I shut the door part way and heard a loud grumbling coming from the door down the hall. It opened up to a pitch black room. From my point of view I could see clubs with various spikes lining the walls and paint of various vivid colors. Kurloz Sr stepped out, his long thick mane pulled away from his face. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He treated me like a son and failed to ever make me feel different.  
"How you doin', wriggler? Mind if I see your eyes again? It's the one color I could never hope to paint with how beautiful it looks."  
I lied about my previous statement.  
I removed my shades, hesitating slightly. He smiled down at me and I felt a chill run up my spine and my libido start running. He looked at me with so much need that I couldn't hold back the emotions flooding my eyes. And just like that they are back on. He pats me on the back and strides down to the kitchen. I watch him go before turning to face Gamzee 's door. He was watching me the entire time and that sends chills all over my body. His body is behind the door, his face skewed by the darkness. All I can see are his piercing purple eyes. He growls before opening the door wider. I remember I have legs and use them to enter his room. He locks the door and flips on the lights.  
I feel my breath hitch as I take in his art. His room is circular like his brothers and the wall is pitch black like his father's. But instead there's bright colors of paint dancing all around the wall dashes and lines, thick and thin. It was beautiful, like ribbons twisting and turning in the wind. I return my gaze to Gamzee he stands pouting like a child in the center of his large room. I walk over and began undressing him completely. Once he is nude I throw him a towel and pick out his pants. Opting for something comfortable I grab his spotted pajama pants and his cotton boxers. He fought to keep on the shirt Karkat gave him muttering about miracles. I turned and there he was, lazily sprawled out on his bed with his horse dick sticking up in the air. He was stroking it slowly his hand not fully cupped around it. He purred and stared directly at me. I dropped his boxers and my own joining him on the bed. My glasses flying somewhere amidst the chaos and both our shirts lost in the sea as well. I was straddling his hips my cock touching his own and that made him moan. I moved my hips applying a bit more pressure before he grabbed the back of neck and pulled me flush against him. He kissed me gingerly as opposed to the rough fondling my ass was receiving. It sent sparks through my nerves and I bit his lip. He smiled and threw me on my back. He nipped at my throat and gently caressed my bare stomach. I whined and arched my back. My nails grazed his skin and once I found his spine I dug them and he growled in my ear.

"You like that, mother fucker?" He attacked my throat not waiting for an answer. And I let out a pathetic yelp. I was blushing furiously when he picked me up adjusted both of us to be comfortable. My head was on his shoulder and I felt his thumb circling my inner thigh just inches from my balls. I gently bit his shoulder and clawed at his back. In retaliation he dug his own claws into my left shoulder and dragged it painstakingly slow to my right hip. I shook and moaned in pain and ecstasy. I felt the blood already start to pool. He licked his nails clean before laying me down with my ass in full view to him. He prodded the hole with his thumb then spread my cheeks. I peeked behind me and I saw his eyebrows raised in amusement. Then I felt his tongue on my hole. Everything was white hot and I had tears in my eyes.

"Gamzee!" I called out his name, the first word I could even manage. I couldn't think I could only feel. He whispered my name and contained his urge to rip me apart then and there. He licked harder and faster coating my entrance with barely enough for him to slide in. He stopped and pulled away and I whined. He got off the bed and went to his drawer. I was too busy whimpering and wriggling my hips. He returned and I felt his dick head poke my entrance. It was coated in a lot of lube but that clown never knew went to stop. His nails dug into my hips and he shoved himself in. His full erect length caught me by surprise and it felt as if my ass was going to rip open again. He reached for my head and stroked my platinum blonde hair offering me words of encouragement. Once I was relaxed he began to move. The pain felt welcoming and I pushed against him as he thrust inside me. My face was buried in his pillow as he got faster and faster. I felt my own cock twitch in response. He lifted me by my hips and sat up completely straight on his knees. I shook as he slammed harder and harder. Our moaning lost to us and the bed smashing against the wall adding to the noise. I knew the others could hear us but I didn't give a fuck. I screamed his name while he stopped pulling out and tries to get as deep as he could before shooting his load deep inside me.  
My dick twitched before the bed and my stomach was coated in my own cum. He continued humping me slowly and petting me. I felt him tense up again and release a second load inside me. He pulled out and his eyes once possessive now only held adoration and love. He tucked me in and draped an arm over me. I couldn't move nor did I want too. I stared into his eyes and he stared into mine. A few minutes later I heard a knock on his door. I headed to his bathroom to clean up and he threw on the previously discarded pajamas. I turned on the faucet to warm and let the bath tub fill halfway. Gamzee came in not long after I got in. His father eyed me before he winked and shut the bedroom door. Gamzee peeled off the pants and hung it on his towel rack before sitting behind me in the tub. It was big enough for the both of us to lay comfortably. He cupped some water and washed the bloody gashes on my back. I shivered at the contact but didn't complain. Once he felt satisfied he helped me out and dried me off. He gave me some clothes to wear and placed a few kisses on my cheek and lips. His hair was dry by the time we got a second knock. I answered the door and Kurloz Jr smiled at me. He was taller than me obviously and had even thicker curls then Gamzee. He told us to come down for dinner and told me I would be driven home after. I thanked him and went to fetch Gamzee. The mentioned clown came up behind me and grabbed my waist and I squeaked in surprise. He sniffed my neck then licked it. He felt my sides before pulling away. Slowly his fingers teased my skin. He smiled at me before heading to the steps. I found myself, once again, sad and happy all at once. That reoccurring thought taking up my thoughts..  
What even are we?


	4. Fourth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of confusion and stimuli.

After eating dinner with the Makara's, I was seated in the car by myself.  
"Kid-goat, I'm taking the wriggler home. Try not to destroy anything else and I really fucking hope you two stay in your bedrooms until I get back." I heard the door slam and saw a 6'11 beast strut towards the car. 

 

"Kid-goat could have come but after how he and Skellig acted at dinner they need some discipline smashed into their tiny heads." I meekly nodded at the adults words. His eyes were traveling my body before his hand found my thigh. I squirmed at the contact but relaxed at the warmth. "You can talk to me anytime." He let go and put the car into drive.  
After a few turns he pulled up a block from my house. I turned to ask him why but his hand cupped my neck, his lips meeting mine. I shook and tried to pull away but my resistance faded as he rubbed my back. He was so different then Gamzee.. He was gentle and slow and it made me heart pound. He pulled away after what felt like an eternity. My breathing was shallow and my eyes we glazed over with lust. My lips felt wet and swollen and the heat pooled to my face. He removed my glasses and I felt vulnerable. He squeezed my arm and bit his lips. He kissed me again before letting me out in front of my house. I wobbled out unable to say anything and walked to the side of the house. I opened the window and jumped. My roommate wasn't here but dad and lil man were.  
I wiped my lips and adjusted myself before taking off my shoes and exiting my bedroom. 

 

"You're home late." How the fuck.

 

"I'm sorry Mr.Egbert." I looked at him my shoulders sagging a bit. This was the only person who could visibly make me show guilt. He was a father to me, Dave and Jake when he didn't have to be. I try my best to be a good kid but Gamzee has a way of making me stray. I looked back up and his eyes were softer now. He patted my back and gave me a piece of chocolate cake before retiring to his study upstairs. I picked at it not really feeling hungry. 

 

"Bro?" Dave called from behind me. I turned and awkwardly stared at my half naked brother. Why he chooses to dress in boxers and tank tops I won't ever know. Not that it doesn't fit him it fits him just right I mean, fuck Dave.

 

"Sup?" I get up and he shifts his feet. 

 

"I know it's late but are we still going to strife?" He sounded like he was pleading. I walk over and he freezes like a scared animal. I grab his wrist and kiss his forehead before heading to my own room. I hear him shuffle around outside my door then some scraping sounds. I peek out and sure enough the little bastard stole my cake. I shut my door and lock it before I exit the window and creep around to the younger pairs bedroom. One half is fiery red and the other half is bright blue. Dave is laying on his back on his bed. He looks to have his headphones on so I quietly open the window before sneaking in. I'm close to the ground as I crawl over to his bed. His glasses are off and his eyes are closed. 

 

1...  
He stretches his hands over his head.

 

2...  
He turns on his side facing me, eyes still closed.

 

3...  
His ear bud falls out and his eyes open, he gasps.

 

I tackle him and pin him to the bed. I pulled up his shirt and tickle his side's. He burst out into cheery laughter and shrieks. I smiled remembering baby Dave. I sighed at the cute chubby baby I basically raised until the Egberts came in. I lost track of what I was doing and was knocked to the floor. I lay there as he caught his breath. His shirt was gone and he was smiling. He lunged at me and I kicked him mid air jumping to my feet. He landed on John's bed and I stopped mid run. He was pouting. Actually fucking pouting. I walk over and kiss his chin before leaving the room.  
I sat on my bed in the dark. I'm so fucked up. Everything is fucked up. I'm fucking Gamzee and his dad wants to fuck me. I don't even.. What did I do to Dave? Why do I feel so aroused by my baby brother? I heard the front door open and John's laughter ring out through the first floor. I felt myself twitch and groan into my pillow.

:-) Dave Strider (-: 

 

Bro is seriously freaking me out. Not that I don't enjoy the weird attention but I don't know how to feel about it. John walks in and drops his bag. I probably would react the same if a guy wearing boxers was propped up on my bed too. 

 

"Sup." I played it off. Pretty sure he could see my half hard on.

 

"Uh." 

 

"Come over here Derp."

 

"What?" He blinks a few times.

 

"Get over here." 

 

"Dave! No! Get out of my bed!" 

 

"You asked for it." I got up and proceed to walk towards him. He screams and shoots out of the room. I followed calmly walking behind him. Eventually we were both running through the house while Jake sat cross legged on the couch. I ran to the couch and jumped off it after grabbing his hat. The English boy took part in the chase seeing as I became prey for them. Jake was a strong adventurer and John was his adorably clumsy sidekick. I tripped him three times. Eventually we came to a halt after receiving a disapproving glare from dad Egderp. Jake went to take a shower while me and John sat on the couch.

 

"You gonna get dressed." He stared at me.

 

"My skin is too beautiful Egderp. I can't hide this masterpiece." He stifled a giggle. We sat in comfortable silence. Life is good. Half an hour later Jake comes strutting out of the bathroom with  
a towel around his waist. I wave him off with a smirk as he enters his shared bedroom. He kicks out Bro who, with a colorful sentence, sits his ass between me and John. Dirk is pretty much wearing basketball shorts and nothing else. I lay my head on his shoulder while John lays upside down. He catches sight of the one sided cuddle fest and throws his leg on Dirk's other shoulder. He just sits there, his expression unreadable. I decide to push him a bit more and throw myself across his lap my head on John's stomach. He moves his hands out from under me and grabs the remote flipping between channels. John nearly screamed when Nic Cage came on to screen. Dirk seemed satisfied with whatever shit movie he put on. I tried lifting myself up but he held me down. This was his revenge. Oh my fucking Gog. I stared at the screen with wide eyes. After an eternity Dirk gets ups without warning sending me tumbling to the ground. During my fall I latch on to John's shirt and drag him down with me. He hops the couch while I roll away from John and his loose hands. By the time I get up I see him and Jake whispering to each other. They both glance our way and a sly yet small smile crosses Jake's lips.  
I grab blue boys hands pulling him up before we make a beeline through the kitchen and out the back door. I hear them gave chase with a loud old-timely English thing from Jake and smooth laughter from Dirk. Egbert gets his wits about him but doesn't let go of his hand. We head just outside the tree line and find cover in some bushes. I quiet down Egbert's breathing and we both wait patiently for something to happen. From our point of view we can't see jack shit. I'm starting to get cold and John offers up his hoodie which I gladly take. After about another ten minutes it feels like my dicks about to fall off so we sneak around the backyard trying to head back to the house. We're sitting ducks against the other two with our clashing blue and red against the black of the night, but we manage to get to the door. I walk in without thinking and in met with a face full of moist vanilla cake. I stand there stunned and for a minute I assume Jake did this.

 

"Daaaaaad." I was wrong. I remove my shades and stare at him. Behind him peeking from the doorway are none other then my darling ever so sweet brothers. I curse their names in my head while we sit and get a stern fatherly lecture from Dad.

:-] Jake English [-: 

 

Dirk and his shenanigans always get me riled up for a metaphorical hunt. He wanted to get back at Dave and John for something but he wouldn't tell. I think he was just feeling left out of our games. We pretended to whisper while waiting for Dave to look over at us. Eventually he did and I let go a small sly smile. And it worked just as Dirk said. Those two buggers ran off all willy-nilly through the kitchen and out the back door. We let out a holler and run just enough to make them hide far from here. Once they did we sat in the living room watching TV. And on schedule, Dad came down to check his cooling cake. 

 

"Where are the boys?" He comes up behind the couch. 

 

"Dunno." He shrugs and points towards the back door. Dad sighs before going into the kitchen to add frosting to the cake. I take the remote and flip through the channels. Twenty or so minutes pass by and we hear the crunching of leaves. We tiptoe over to the kitchen door and hide so as not to be spotted by Dad. He himself is stationed off to the side with two beautifully decorated cakes in his hands. He placed his pipe on the counter some time ago. We spot a familiar red and blue some feet away as they shortened the distance quite quickly. Dave is paler than usual and John's is hugging his side's. We see Dad change stance and as soon as Dave walks in both boys are pelted with it. I bite my lip and Dirk smirks. 

 

"Daaaad." John whines as he begins wiping off the cake. Dave is stunned and removes his glasses. My giggling falters at his flaming red eyes. They always catch me off guard with how beautiful they are. And he looks down right adorable covered in cake. I quickly notice his eyes are on us and we smile before running and jumping back haphazardly on the couch. We're half asleep by the time the younger boys leave the bathroom. They usher us to our beds and in my daze I rest my chin on John's head. He grumbles something under his breath but I chose to ignore it. I grab his arm and pull him into my bed. He didn't fight me this time, he never wanted to share a bed with me or Dirk always opting to bunk with Dave. I lay my hand across his stomach and we eventually drift off to sleep.

:-) D-Strider (-:

 

The boys had put us to bed and Dad turned off all the lights. Every one had long since fallen asleep but I just couldn't. The throbbing in my backside started to hurt and my cuts were stinging due to the stillness. Lucky for me no one noticed the jagged lines during our little party. I turn on my side to take off some the pressure. Staring at Egbert's sleeping face brings me back to Gamzee.. I need to sort this out before Kanaya has her annual sit down with me. She doesn't talk to Gamzee like that alone, she says his gaze is too intense for her liking and she often feels the need to cut him. Deep. I wouldn't put it past her, she's known for having an itchy trigger finger.  
What do I intend to do with that fucking clown? My feelings for him are in the grey area. I can't say I like the guy but there's just things that make me feel complete. Maybe it's because I don't know what he feels for me. Does he even feel for me? I roll on my back and groan. Why does that clown have to be so fucking dull and stupid and just so infuriating! When he cuddled John I felt jealousy. Dirk Strider does not do jealous. I clench my fists. I want to make him pay for fucking with my head and stringing me along. What did I do to deserve these mixed up feelings. It's torture. 

 

My mind is silent, everything is silent. It's 3:45 AM by the time I realize how much my eyes hurt. I rub them tentatively before falling asleep. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, I just fucking know it.

:o( honk )o: 

 

I can feel them.. Crawling.. I can't see them.. But I can fucking feel them.. I scratch and scratch but it just won't stop. I can feel them in my eyes and under my nails. I want to take them out. .. I need to take them out.  
I fall back on the bed and scream in silent agony.  
My body is on fire and my brain feels like mushy rancid pumpkin. I can smell it rotting. Oh god I'm rotting and I can feel it! I'm crying. 

 

"dirkdirkdirkdirkdirkdiRKDIRKDIRKDIRKDIRKDIRK!!" Am I screaming? They're taking me, they're taking me, they're taking me. My writhing body is floating through the air the colors vibrant and bouncing my skull. Suddenly I see too much white and it's painful, I wince and then I'm surrounded by black. I feel callous but soft hands rubbing my back and head. My body stopped floating some time ago but I don't really notice. Time is irrelevant to a God.. That's what the voices tell me. They whisper to me.. My body is catatonic and I don't feel the crushed pills and water mixing as it burns down my throat. I don't notice myself fall asleep on the figure cradling me on a large plush bed. I dream of a flaming orange angel.

 

"Kid-goat, time to get up." I rub my eyes and lazily push myself up into sitting position. I look around at the black walls and spiked clubs.

:o) Gamzee Makara (o:

 

"How the mother fuck did I get in here?" I must have came in here when I was needing all kinds of cuddle sessions. At least he didn't turn me out like everybody else does. I walk into Kurloz room and lay myself across his stomach. He taps my shoulder and I face him.

 

'Morning, my messiah.' And he smiles. 

 

'Morning, my righteous ninja.' I smile back. His body moves in mock laughter. He returns to his phone and swaddle him in a tight hug. He is showered but only dressed in pants. He smells like candy apples and cocoa butter. His entire left arm and chest is all done up in a detailed tattoo of skeletons and muscles. His right hip has a pink heart and black outline. I just know it's for my cat-sis. I spy a few curly pubic hairs. I stare a bit at them and press them down with my hand. He jolts a bit and I linger before pulling away and heading into his bathroom. When I came back out my hair was up in a bun and I had borrowed Kurloz's neon jeans. I went through his open closet and took a tank top and black hoodie. The hoodie was incredibly soft and made me feel so warm. I removed my bun and went about putting on my face paint. After strategically and methodically applying the shading I sealed it and said my goodbye to Dad, Kurloz already waiting for me by the front door. His matching purple eyes studied everything while his ears picked up on sounds I could never hope to hear. I turn my head and take in the empty street. Today's going to be a long day.


	5. Fifth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After.

The miracles are in short supply these days. Kurloz has a special mini pie from Daddy. It's soft and lime green and it tastes so sweet. He doesn't make this often but he always puts the brain powder in here to make sure I eat it. I don't notice the extra bitter taste in this one today as I suck off the remaining goo from my fingers. Kurloz hands me a moist napkin and throws away my pie tin. The walk is quiet and Kurloz is holding my hand. A brother up and gets this way when he's worried about something. I don't wanna intrude so I just squeeze every now and then. We get a few odd glares but we just kindly flip them off. He lets go once we're a block from my building and hugs me goodbye. He goes to college, Skaia University. I make my way to the familiar stone bench but don't sit. I'm anxious to see my mutant bro. I don't feel as balanced as I did yesterday.. I should let Daddy know. 

 

"Morning GZ." Sollux was wearing a black jacket with yellow stripes on the arms. He was a bit shorter then me but not that much. I grin at him.

 

"What is up?" He hesitates at the lack of my slow strung out manner of speech. He shrugs and mutters a soft nothing before going to sit on the curb. I sit down on the edge of the stone bench and lay my head back gazing at the grayish, blue sky. It was all kinds of beautiful and it made my fingers twitch for a paint brush. I hope I could remember those simple clouds and white wisps that color the sky. The streaks of vibrant and dull shades and how the sound of the wind soothes my soul and makes me forget i even have a body. Those empty vast ends of blue take up my whole eye sight and I remember just how small and insignificant we all are. We can cry, laugh, shed rivers of blood and drown our loved ones in it. The sky will keep on being blue.. I let out a rumbling purr thinking about my blue bro. His eyes are like the sky itself. It doesn't resemble, it just simply is. My heart throbs. 

 

"John.." His name rolls off my tongue, dripping with curiosity and a mixture of possession and need. 

 

I hear Sollux stir a bit but it's silent again. 

 

I see his eyes whenever I look at the sky. But there's another sight I love just as much as a blue sky. The sunset.. I love seeing the hues clash and dissolve so much that I have painted it so many times before each one vastly different than the one before. The changing rapid leaks of oranges and reds. The redundancy of its pulsating glow. It's something I can understand so deeply but I fail to put it into words. I've tried continuously to write the emotions it pulls out of me. The canvas is the only form of self expression I can understand. The angry blotches and lovingly curved lines have entirely different meanings all together.. 

 

My eyebrows knit together. 

 

The fiery sunset is my mutant, the calm sky is John. I bite my tongue. I can't speak his name, that sweet word that rolls off off my odd tongue doesn't belong to the mouth of a monster. I hurt my angel in intimate ways and I wish I knew how to make him know how I care for him. I want him to look at me with love and devotion.. Do I look at him the same way? He must know. He should know. 

 

"GZ?" Sollux speaks, his voice soft. I open my eyes and peer up at him from under damp eyelashes. I become aware of the tear streaks presently drying on my cheeks. His a little put back from my eyes. I don't feel dazed and I haven't lost track of my thoughts, my eyes must seem pretty ferocious. He hands me a handkerchief and I wipe at my face not caring in the slightest. He seems shocked and I'm aware of my face paints current state. I don't think I'm in the mood to be very nice today. I stare at him and he visibly shrinks while biting his lips. I knew the Captor had a thing for me. I smile but we're interrupted by John and Dave. They come around the corner and bring a whole crowd of familiar faces. I don't say anything or smile at any one. They don't notice, they never notice. 

 

My mutant comes into view and I feel my heart drop. He's watching Dave talk excitedly about some sleepover party they had decided to set up. His lips don't move not even a twitch, but I can think of all kinds of expressions I want him to make.

 

I turn away and look at each and every face I see. Jade being held in Cronus's arms, Mituna circling Karkat in a frenzy over a comic, Horuss Nepeta and Meulin talking/signed quietly to each other while John and Dave are shouting happily at one another. Dave strikes up a conversation with Karkat once the excitement begins to die down. John looks over at me with a great big smile and I can't help but feel calm again. My eyes become less focused and my lips becomes a lazy stretched out grin. He sits down next to me placing his shoulder bag on the floor. 

 

"Morning Gamzee!" 

 

"Morning my blue bro." I lay my head on his shoulder. We're at an awkward angle but it doesn't bother either of us. My bright blue sky smells so beautiful today.

:-) D-Strider (-: 

 

Shit, we woke up late. I fling open the windows and rouse the younger kids out of bed. Jake insists on suffocating John and I leave them be for now. I rush into the shower and do a quickie. Jake showered last night and I would think Dave did too. Once I'm out I'm running with a towel around my waist and yelling for John to wake Dave up. I enter my room and sigh. Jake still hadn't let go. I grab some jeans and jump on to Jake's bed. Once positioned standing above him I wrap my arms around his torso and lift him up. He thrashed a bit but I'm having all too much fun. John scrambles out of the room and shouts incoherent nonsense in his bedroom. Dave rolls off the bed and on to the floor. At this time I drop Jake on to the bed and land on top of him. He grabs the back of my head and I let out a loud laugh. Jake laughs as well as he prods me to get off him. I refuse to budge and take his moments hesitation to hold him down even tighter.

 

"Strider, you're holding a man hostage! Whatever shall I do?" He faints dramatically.   
I look up and into his eyes and with a straight face reply, "Swoon, English, swoon." He erupts in laughter as he kicks me off his messy bed. We both get dressed not entirely caring for the door being open. Dad doesn't come down but ushers us to hurry because he can't drive us. Dave is dressed and John's putting on his shoes while me and English grab our backpacks. Once sorted we grab our waiting bags and head out the door calling our good byes. The walk is casual and obnoxious. We meet up with a few of our friends and our group becomes even more obnoxious and intimidating. I notice a familiar pair of twins holding hands one grumpy and frowning while the other happy and smiling. Both were blushing and I left them alone this morning. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I unlocked the screen and was surprised to see a text from Sollux. 

 

'GZ ii2 acting 2trange.. like last time' I frown for a quick second before my lips became a straight line again.

 

'Make sure he has company until I get there.' I receive what I assume was a confirmation text right after and ignore it. If he needed me he'd call, if he was still breathing.   
I look straight ahead and I feel my skin start to prickle. It felt like a thin layer of ice was forming over my entire body. I knew this feeling, this feeling meant fear. It traveled up and down my veins. My feet felt tender and my nerves jolted with each step. The group was getting rowdy and we were nearing the school. Good we almost made it. It's another few minutes and I feel like I'm going burst. I feel the fear building up faster and faster the closer we get to our meet up spot. I'm going to explode I know I am. My body begins to shake as I turn the corner. 

 

And like that the heavy rock in my stomach breaks apart like a pile of feathers. Gamzee is sitting still his elbows on his knees and his make up smudged in a hideous manner. But it's calming because he isn't covered in blood. It takes a second to realize the guys staring at me through half lidded eyes. I've seen those eyes before behind a door and skewed by darkness, they were dark but not dazed. They were clear and not friendly. His smile sent chills down my spine. I know he can't read my expression or see my eyes. That meant I was safe. I lean on the wall while John started talking to him. 

 

"What happened to your make-up?" He sounded sympathetic, but I heard a deep feral growl. I hear a cry of pain and I turn so fast I lose my shades.

 

My orange eyes are open to the world but so are my tears. They come down in a constant single stream, hot and seemingly endless. He's kissing John. Everything is silent and nobody makes a move. I stand there dumbstruck watching as John presses into the kiss. An all too real blush on his chubby cheeks. His eyes are closed but Gamzee has his eyes open, clouded and possessive.

 

"Dirk.." I didn't wait to hear Dave's pity. I snatched my glasses from the ground and walk into the building. Dave grabs me by my elbow but I put on my shades and shove the kid to the ground in one fluid motion. I ignore his whimper as he hits the ground and all it does is make me want to hold him and cuddle him and become an unknown orphan on the street again.. 

 

Where nobody knows you..

 

And nobody can hurt you..

 

How could he hurt me like that? How could John kiss him back? How can I just walk away?  
These mix of emotions are killing me. After walking around the halls, I sit at an empty table and plug in my headphones. I haven't seen anyone yet and this will ensure that I don't hear them either. I lay my head on my arms and shut my eyes. My glasses are digging into the side of my head but I refuse to care. 

 

I wanted so badly to collapse and turn to dust. I felt bitter and upset. I felt like I could breath for the first time but every exhale wanted to be fire. I sighed and sat up, the bell had rung. I shut my mind off and went about my morning classes in a practiced routine.

:-) John Egbert (-:  
Oh my gog. He kissed me. He just grabbed my arm, rather painfully, and kissed me in front of everyone. My eyes shut and I could feel my chest on his. His lips were smooth and welcoming to my own. He felt so, so warm. I could only press against him. I was lost in time and the commotion outside of our bubble got too much before he pulled away. I opened my eyes and looked at the stunned faces. Rose was rubbing her temple while Kanaya was glaring pretty hard at Gamzee. I shrunk in my seat when her stare turned to me. It wasn't anger in her eyes but a questioning look. We broke eye contact and turned to Dave. He was sitting with Jades arm slung around him. Meulin was petting his head in a sympathetic manner. I got up and walked towards him. 

 

"Dave? Dave what happened?" He didn't answer me instead he got everyone off guard and swung at me. His fist connected to my jaw and he continued to wail on me. Horuss had dragged him off and Karkat did his best to console him. My jaw and stomach hurt really bad and I couldn't move. Dave was obviously a lot stronger then me. I'm lucky a Zahhak was here to drag him off and hold him back. I rolled onto my side as Rose came over to check my injuries. She hummed a bit. 

 

"It will bruise." She stated before helping me sit up. 

 

"What happened?" I slurred a bit, still holding my jaw.

 

"Dirk was crying after seeing you two kiss." She stated almost like a robot. I felt my body tense up. How could I forget something as important as my big brothers crush? I must of got so absorbed in my own feelings for him that I didn't even..   
The bell rung and the security guard was telling me and Dave to head to the main office while another sent the crowd that we had unknowingly gathered. Gamzee had vanished in the chaos.   
My body hurt with every step but my pain wasn't my issue. I had done something far worse.   
I hurt Dirk Strider.


	6. Sixth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does a co-dependent Dave sound good?  
> I don't know.. Will see where this goes.

:-I Dave Strider I-:

 

He shoved me so callously to the ground without a second thought. Like it didn't even matter that I was reaching out for him. That I wanted to know if I could help. I didn't know he had liked Gamzee in that way. Or maybe he liked John? I don't know but one of them hurt him bad enough that Dirk-motherfucking-Strider cried. I never saw so much pain in his eyes before. I never saw pain in his eyes, period. And now, now he refused to speak to me. He didn't turn to me and give me a brotherly go the fuck away. He just pushed me and.. it actually hurt. It felt like I was losing someone that I never thought would leave me. My role model, my idol, my big brother, my only family. And this only made me cry harder. I wasn't yelling or being hysterical but my body was shaking that I had so much trouble standing up. I heard footsteps almost walking on air approach me and I got up so quick I nearly impaled Jade's head on the wall. I hope she forgives me for that little upset. 

 

I launched at John when he asked that stupid fucking question. Did I look okay? Did Dirk look okay? Did he even notice? I was pulled away from John who lay groaning on the ground. I hate John. I hate that spoilt ass clown. I hate everybody and if I just could reach my sword then maybe.. maybe I could have Dirk again. Maybe we could run away into the streets that we knew and live like before. Fuck John and his little happy family. Fuck these gaggle of mega bitches. I sat there staring hard at the ground. My shades were askew and the security guard was lifting me on to my feet. I walked automatically into the building a guard between me and that ultra dweeb. I had my fists in my pockets and I could feel the blood making my skin stick to the fabric. Mine or his I can't say, his nose is bleeding. Kanaya offers me a kind glance and nods her head towards me. Her and Rose walk down the hall conversing among themselves. We sat in a cold waiting room, they already called in John's father. I let the cold solidify the blood on my fist as my mind went elsewhere. 

 

In a matter of ten minutes, Dad Egbert made it halfway across town from his job to our school. We avoided as much eye contact as possible but we could feel the disappointed glare. I shifted and took of my glasses before I looked up at him. John was clutching his chest, his body shook and he looked panicky. I watched as he grit his teeth and squeezed his hands together. I turned away from him and surveyed the room. Dad had his back to us and was speaking to the security guard from before. I heard Gamzee's name and his father sighed. He wasn't a homophobe, he just didn't like that certain Makara. The brothers were notorious for a number of things, things that will be listed later. 

Dad was given a slip of paper and they said their mutual good byes. He turned on his heels and began walking towards us his hat and jacket tucked between his arm and side. His hair was tamed but still stuck up in random areas. I looked up at him feeling once again like a small child. My eyes wide and searching, Egbert next to me was wiping his face with his dirty sweater sleeve. He had bloody smudges all over his cheek. I could see the tears cutting through them. Dad didn't say anything to us, just signaled us to follow him. Once in the car the tension became too much but I refused to speak. I was seated in the third row while Egbert sat in in the second row on the other side. He was balling his sleeves in his fist and staring out the window at nothing in particular. His eyes were wide but they weren't focused on anything or even his reflection. I turned away and forced down any feeling of sympathy I had for him at that moment. The car halted. 

 

"John Egbert and Dave Strider." We bolted upright and stared at the back of his head. He sounded just as he felt, disappointed.

 

"Explain." He didn't turn to face us. John spared a glance at me but I didn't turn to him. He sighed before turning back. 

 

"Gamzee kissed me."

"I know that, continue."

 

"And I don't know what happened but I heard commotion but couldn't turn away.. When I was finally able to Dirk was gone and Dave was being comforted by some of our friends. When I went to ask why he.. attacked me telling me that we made Bro cry." 

 

He hummed. "What about you Dave?"

 

"The same as he said it but during the kiss Dirk started crying and I tried following him but he pushed me.. And left." He looked back at me. 

 

"I want to talk with you alone after I come back from work." He unlocked the doors and let us the car. I let John I'm the shower first and left a bottle of peroxide on the sink. I washed my face and stripped down to my pajamas. I didn't want to be in the same room with him so I crawled into Bro's bed and snuggled up in his warm blankets. It smelled like him and it felt as if he was holding me. My body shivered in the comfort. I picked up his discarded shirt and slipped into it. It was big on me but I felt warm and cozy. As I inhaled his scent and listened to the shower running my hand lingered under my clothing. My fingers ran along my stomach and I let out a sharp breath. 

 

I traced my hip bone all the way down before I let my cold hand grip my shaft. I lost myself for the next few minuted pumping myself before sweet release. Soon after I fell asleep. I love Dirk and I know he loves me back. I won't let anyone hurt him again.


	7. Filler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween is coming up and I'm just excited and super busy lately.  
> Have a little John time.

): John Egbert :(

I slipped into the bathroom and dropped my bloody sweater in the hamper. All I could smell was blood and it made me gag. I pulled my shirt over my head wrapping it up with the rest of my clothes. They were discarded as well. I carefully removed my glasses and looked it over. Somehow it came out unscathed.

Swell.

I placed them on the counter before finally looking up at my reflection. The skin beneath my neck shined bright under the small skylight. My eyes trailed up following the shallow smudged lines of blood. My chin was a bit more bloody and it spread over my bottom lip and across my right cheek. Further up I could see a slow trail of fresh blood, I didn't wipe it away. I watched it trickle down, down, down past my neck. It tickled my collarbone and finally stopped. I looked back at my nose and studied the thick gash traveling up the side nostril and the ridge. It was nasty and black. The skin was parted so disgustingly I almost gagged again. I knew the cut was on the inside of my nose as well, it burned with every breath but I didn't pay attention to it. I pulled out the Vaseline and a few q -tips. I scavenged the cupboard searching for an exfoliator that Dave used. I pulled it out and picked up a fresh rag. I ran some hot water on it before pouring a drop of the soap on to it. I gently scrubbed my face in circles and watched as the white foam turned red. I rinsed my face before doing it again for good measure. As I was putting away the bottle and hanging up the rag the door was pushed open and a familiar blur placed a bottle of peroxide on the sink. The door was shut shortly after. I wrenched open the peroxide and quickly used the q-tips to clean . My eyes watered but I finished and the blood was completely gone. I sighed. I dropped my boxers in the hamper and stepped under the gentle spray of warm water. I moaned quietly as my muscles relaxed under the water pressure.

How swell.

I was in my bedroom alone staring at my tablet. The screen was blank. I had dropped it to the side. I stared at the window at the end of our room. I looked at Dave's empty bed and sighed. It was about two in the afternoon. Everyone was either by the tree or in class right about now. I bit my lip and winced at the small ebb of pain. Gamzee had dragged his fang and broke the skin after our.. kiss. My breath was shaky and my body felt instantly cold. I got up and trudged into the kitchen. I grabbed two slices of bread and a strawberry. I looked at the back door and sighed. Juggling everything and a bottle of Apple juice I cracked the door open and slipped out. I pushed a stick between the door to keep it open. I headed over to our old tree house. It was nothing special really just something we all made as a bonding exercise when the other three moved in with us. Dirk was silent and I could never prank him, he was always locked in his bedroom working on robots or adding something to his weird watch. Dave was no different but instead of red his room use to be heavily decorated in white. He was even less sociable than Dirk. He always clung to his older brother's side and blended with his shadow. He was known to growl at close contact from us.

I undid some rope and lowered down a simple wooden tray. I carefully stacked my items on it and pulled it upwards. I ascended the wooden ladder and crawled inside. I dusted off an area and placed the tray there. A hand slithered itself around my torso. I yelped and slammed my body against the attacker and turned to see a taller version of Gamzee. He didn't look phased by my rebuttal and smiled awkwardly holding his hand in mock hello. I relaxed a bit and looked around the desolate tree house. His bag was in the corner and a few bottles of faygo were littered on the floor. He must have been coming here often.

He took a step forward. I smiled in fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and over 100 views! Keep checking back for me and don't forget to bookmark!


	8. Filler [Two]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Dirk

~ Dirk Strider ~ 

Not much happened after this morning. I went through the day alone and relatively quiet. I heard the whispers and dodged objects all through the morning. Now it was lunch and i had to face some one. No doubt our whole group heard. No doubt questions would be sent my way. I turned the corner and exited the building through the open hallway onto the dry grass. It was warm and I relaxed under the heat. I didn't see either of my younger siblings today when I normally can never avoid them.They're lockers were in the same hall as mine.Hell the whole group usually stored stuff in each other's locker. I didn't even see Jake but his notebooks were constantly in and out. I sighed through my nose and kept an even pace towards the tree. It was relatively empty this period. I never noticed how beautiful the grass was. 

"Dirk." Or the dirt.

"Dirk." Or the sky.

 

"Oh my god Jape. Get his attention." The air smelled swe-

"Shut up Vris! I got it." 

"Maybe you should let me."

"Jake let Kanaya do it."

"Do any of you know what the fuck you're doing? Let me handle this situation!"

"He doesn't need someone yelling at him about relationships Kitkat."

"Vriska shut the hell up." 

"Oooh now everyone is ganging up on little Serket."

"Karkat and Vriska should be put in time out." 

"Jape!"

"VrisKA STOP BULLYING YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

"I WILL NOT!" 

And everyone was arguing. I can't believe I stood and listened to them talk. A small hand found its way onto my shoulder. 

"Dirk." I shuddered, Kanaya had a way of bringing down my walls. She walked in front me, her hand still on my shoulder. It was like she was afraid I'd run off. I looked at her, her short hair blowing in the wind flowing and messy. Her eyes watery and faints of red. Her cheeks red and under her eyes tinged with make-up she tried to wipe away with her tears. This was so unlike Kanaya. She is the picture of calm and collected and perfection. She was the one who carried our burdens with grace and light footsteps. And a serene motherly smile always there and welcoming. Her lips weren't in that smile and tears forced to overflow out of her emerald eyes.

"Dirk," her voice was shaky. "Don't cry." I dropped to my knees and she followed me down and held me while I quietly sobbed into her shoulder. It felt like an eternity before I finally stopped crying and just let her hold me.

Jake nudged my arm and I made the effort to stand and help up Kanaya. I watched her as she cleaned her tears and smile at me. I happily returned it. I'm glad she knew my feelings for him. She doesn't deserve a friend like me, i should have never let her in. I sighed and we walked over to our tree. Karkat and Vriska had a shouting match the entire way there and Jake tried to stay as close to us as possible. Once we were situated with the tree Karkat stood near my branch looking up at me his sweater folded neatly next to Kanaya. His arms were crossed and his face stern and worried. 

"Have you seen Gamzee?" 

"I haven't." We have several classes together and I haven't seen him in any. He didn't press further but tried to his best to climb up the tree. A few swear words and grunts and he was seated next to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. That was his way of letting me know he was there to talk. Jake sat alone and detached from the group. Vriska was leaning against his back whispering sweet words into his ear. I know it did him well. Some nights they would be on Skype just to remind themselves they have someone to live for. Not to talk or anything just to fall asleep staring at each other. It was beautiful. The second bell rang and I saw them share a shy kiss.

It's what I wished I had. Now I'm alone.


	9. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving this for so long. Hope this pleases you all.

:-| John Egbert |-: 

He was sitting across from me holding a faygo bottle between his lips. He held one out for me to take. I took it and quietly said thank you as i twisted the cap. I sipped it and a shiver ran up my spine, it tasted like I had one big sour grape and I was still trying to choke it down. I liked it though. He smiled at my expression while half of his bottle was already gone. I found out he was mute and since I didn't know ASL he had my number. As far as I could tell he was Gamzee's older brother. He was so cool. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the entrance. Kurloz climbed down and waited for me to come down, i followed. What more can i do? My dad is already disappointed in me and I may have ruined my relationship with my brothers. I sighed through my nose and dropped down and ran a bit to catch up with him. My phone buzzed and the message was from him. He looked at me with a quizzical expression. The message simply asked if I wanted to go to the skate park. I said yes without thinking and smiled at him. 

"You skate?" He nodded as we walked down an empty block. After about twenty minutes he turned and I was a bit surprised he wanted to take the dirt path in but that would take us directly to the swing set which was on the right of the skate park. I stared at the small trees and foliage feeling a little more at peace after the whole problem from earlier. I wonder what could be going on in another timeline, is it crazier than this? Probably not our lives are pretty average. I should have grabbed my sweater before I left.. I looked at Kurloz who seemed pretty comfortable with the slight drop in temp. I heard laughter and looked forward seeing the cut through at the far left of us. I could see the swing set through the large gap but he just walked right past it. I skipped a step and stared at his back. Should I say something? I caught up with him and followed silently as the laughter disappeared behind us. I've never been to the end of this path but I could feel the atmosphere changing. Kurloz was walking right beside me now, his arm brushing against my shoulder. I could just make out a small hangout and the smell of weed permeated my nostrils. Nobody was here though.. He rested his hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.  
What should I do...

\- Dave Strider -

Who the fuck is that? It's like an older version of Gamzee. I grimaced and tucked my hunting knife back in the holster. My red sweatshirt covered it well and it blended with my red skinny jeans. I kicked my the ground and hid behind the bush. My red eyes stared holes into John's head. I quietly went back inside and tucked my outfit under the bed with my knife. It wouldn't be today but some time soon I will teach him a lesson. I got up and peeked over at his bed and at his tablet. I pressed the home button and sighed. An hour from now they'll be home. Dad won't be home until late.. What sort of tension will there be today? 

 

I wonder how Jake's doing with all this? English is the only one without anyone except Vris. He should be fine. Whatever. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a PB&J with blueberry jam because fuck strawberry, it's way too gross for this Strider. I inwardly groaned, why am I so lame? Dirk is.. Amazing. He is everything I want to be and when I think i'm close I find myself right back here as.. as.. Me. A horrible parody of an amazing legend that really once was. Who would think we were related in anyway? His shoulders wide and his body the perfect depiction of health and then some! His face.. His jaw line.. His hair.. Everything about him is perfection. I love him so much. I want him so bad. 

 

Fuck.. My dick is hard and i'm on the kitchen floor in my tight boxers. My body was engulfed in flames of passion for my brother. My real brother, I started feeling myself through my boxers and within a short amount of time I had messed myself. I curled up on the ground and stared out the kitchen window. The sky was bright that meant they'd be home soon. I crawled to my bedroom and slipped into bed. My conscious berated me as I slipped into a short nap. My dreams were empty except for a large black sky with cracks fluttering through it. Red and blue filled the sky but when an odd sound came I found myself jumping out of my bed. I opened my eyes and i stared into the confused forest green eyes of Jake. 

 

"Where's Dirk?" I hissed under my breath and tried pulling him a little closer. Jake was strong but I knew he wouldn't dare harm anyone close to him. Sympathy filled his eyes and he patted my hand easing my hold on his shirt.

"Dirk is in detention." He looked around the room and frowned, "Where's John?" 

 

"Dunno?" I wrapped myself up in my blanket. 

 

"Dave." His voice reached a whole new level of stern. 

 

"I saw him leave with Gamzee's look-a-like." I shrugged. "But I honestly do not know."

Jake looked at me before running out of the room shouting for Vriska and Kanaya to come inside. I have no idea what they were doing now and frankly I didn't care. I propped myself on my elbows and pulled out my phone from under my pillow to check the time. School was out an hour ago which means the love of my life will be home in another hour. I smiled and stuffed it back under before skipping out of the room towards the bathroom. Vriska stared at me with her resting bitch face, arms crossed in front of her well endowed chest. I entered the bathroom and heard her skin her teeth. 

 

"I hope John comes home soon.. He is way cooler than that tool." 

 

I finished my business and walked out humming towards my bedroom. I looked at Jake and watched as he frantically texted all our friends. Was John that important? I wonder what will go down at his impending funeral. A sick grin spread across my cheeks as I entered my room shutting the door behind me. I paused seeing a shadow at my window caught off guard I freaked and fell back against the door doing a double take. I growled and walked towards the window flinging it open. 

 

"Why are you creeping you no talent clown?" 

"Shut up Dave. Is your dad home?" Sollux let himself in and looked around his gaze lingering on John's bed. 

 

"You want kohei's boxers or something? And no he isn't home you could've came through the front door!" He shrugged and opened one of John's dresser drawers taking a random undergarment. 

 

"Get out you duality freak." He stuffed the clothing into his one of his many zipper pockets and left the room. I thought Gamzee was a freak but today Sollux takes the goddamn cake. Scratch that all of the cake.

 

I groaned and plopped back down on my bed. Jake and his rumpus parlor really know how to pick up on days like these.

; Jake English ;

"I don't know what changed about Dave. He was such a good sport before. This mess exploded in all their faces." Vriska had made a comment after Dave entered the bathroom. I could tell the way he attacked John had pissed her off what infuriated her even more was that she found out an hour and a half after it happened. She got kicked out after she ran through the whole school her long hair in a thick ponytail and her favourite blue shirt tied around her waist. She was kicking doors down and scared several boys out of the upstairs bathroom. She cared about John ever since she beat up some kid in the school playground years before. 

 

"The kids a total psycho, English. He swoons over his own brother!" Dave had entered his bedroom by now and several friends were on their way over. 

 

"Not to mention his exaggerated bias about how everything is black and white. If he can't keep his dick in his pants about Dirk then who knows! Maybe John not being home is a good thing!" She yell-whispered after she heard a bang on his door. A few seconds later a tall lanky figure appeared in the door frame. 

 

"Sollux." Kanaya greeted from her seat.

 

"Hey, mom." He waved before staring at me and Vris eyebrow cocked. 

 

"Yo." Vris sat on the couch her legs crossed and elbows resting on the top part. Sollux was one of the select weirdo's we hung out with. He flicked his lip piercing with his tongue as he scanned for a seat. He sat next to Kanaya and rested his head on her leg. She stroked his head knowing about his headaches and insomnia. I let them be for now. 

 

"Oh yeah.. Jake where was Gamzee all day?" She was going to fight him too, but he was gone all day. 

 

"You don't think he took John somewhere?" Kanaya stared at me. 

"I.. No. He wouldn't." Would he?

"Jake the guys a borderline sex offender. What makes you think he wouldn't have a hand in this odd situation?" 

 

"Dave said he was with a look-alike." 

 

"You trust Dave right now?" Sollux finally spoke up. 

 

"I mean.." 

 

"Come oooooooon Jake! Really?"

 

"Please.." I could hear myself getting quieter.

 

"I mean seriously the guy's a sociopath." Sollux joined in with her. 

 

"Urgh.." Please stop..

 

"I know! It's ridiculous I mean!.. Shit, Jake i'm sorry." Her hands rubbed the back of my neck. 

 

"Oh shit.." Sollux was an ass but he never liked making people cry. 

 

"He loves John.. He still loves us too." I was sobbing into her soft hair while she cooed and shushed me. Kanaya quietly talked to the Captor as I was calmed. They knew how much I wanted this family to last since my grandparents got too old to take care of me when I was a toddler the Strider's and Egbert's became my permanent family.

 

"Okay, Jake, let's go to Gamzee's house." She cleaned my face and adjusted my glasses before peck kissing me. Vriska may seem callous but she really cared for me. I love her so much, but right now we have to find John. I really don't have a good feeling right now. The sun will be going down in two hours. 

 

They left their bags in my bedroom and I knocked on the boy's door letting him know what we were doing. He hummed and I left shutting our front door behind me. Vriska held my hand as Kan and Sol went towards the park. We headed towards the rich part of town in mostly silence. I checked my phone knowing Dirk should be getting out of detention in thirty minutes. In no time flat we were a block away from the Makara household. 

 

"Uh.. Hey! Vriska!" 

 

"Hey Eridan, how are you?" 

 

"Fine.. Hey Jake." He smiled at me and I smiled back.

 

"How you doing, chap?" Eri was homeschooled after an incident with one of our friends but it never really peaked my interest

 

"Have you seen Gamzee?" Vriska was serious about finding him. Eridan shook his head as he bit his scarf. 

 

"Vriska~ Come here! Your mother's inside!" Mama Dualscar called her over. He use to babysit Vris while her mother was busy with her second job. He was usually very this sweet with her. She tugged me and the three of us went momentarily forgetting about the situation at hand. I hope Kan has better luck.

\- Sol and Kan -

"So.." Sollux broke the silence, "What do you think will happen?" They had reached the park already in fifteen minutes. They had sprinted halfway to save time avoiding the rank dirt road. It added five more minutes to their travel but they would have nothing to do with that place, it was usually filled with drug addicts and generally all around horrible people. 

 

"Perhaps, nothing? They either will remain strained and distant or they will work past this." She sounded unsure of what would happen but hoped for the best.

 

"I see.." He climbed on top of the skate park gate and scanned the area as best he could. He could see slightly farther outside the park walls, but still nothing. He climbed back down and shook his head at her. She frowned and looked around spotting two middle schoolers by the swing set. She approached them and smiled sweetly. 

 

"Have either of you seen a boy about this tall with raven hair and buck teeth?" Sollux stood behind her studying the gap on the tree's. The boy angrily said no and told her to leave. The girl apologized and said goodbye as her brother pulled her away. 

 

"Kanaya look there's someone walking out of the dirt path.. Yo! Gamzee!" Sollux ran to the gap and slid through as Kanaya followed suit. Sollux stopped as the person he thought was Gamzee stared at him with annoyance clear on his face. He quickly signed but Sol didn't understand it. 

 

"You're Gamzee's brother? Sorry for bothering you, have you seen your brother?" Kanaya asked politely. Kurloz answered by shaking his head no. 

 

"Well.. Have you seen our friend John? This tall, raven hair and buck teeth with the bluest eye's you'll ever see?" 

 

Kurloz looked confused for a minute before he shook his head no again. He waved and walked away turning the way they had came from. Sollux and Kanaya looked at each other before walking away. It has been forty-five minutes and Dirk would be home in fifteen more. Sollux sent a quick text to Jake.

; Jake English ;

'we didn't find him, but we did fiind the look-a-like. iit wa2 GZ'2 brother and he didn't 2ee either of them'

'Thank's Sol. We haven't had much luck here either.' 

'It'll be fine'

 

I put my phone back in my pocket and signaled Vriska that we had to stop by next door. She nodded and hugged Dualscar. 

 

"Thank's for the food and the pep talk, i'm sure i'll find another school." She kissed his cheek and had Eridan tag along. I said goodbye and rushed out of the house and down the street. The other two followed close behind me and waited as I rang the doorbell. The Makara household was interesting. It was a bright shade of purple and full of black accents. The door opened and a large burly man towered over me. 

 

"What can I do for you?" He rubbed his eye and smiled at me. 

 

"Is Gamzee here? Or my brother John? He has black short hair and bright blue eyes. He may have a large cut on his nose as well." 

"I haven't seen a boy like that around and Gamzee hasn't been home since he left for school if you seem him tell him Daddy needs to talk to him.. Good luck hunting. And i'm sorry for the trouble kid-goat caused you all." With that he shut the door and we sighed in defeat. Vriska led us back towards the school but it was closed and empty. Had Dirk left already? I looked at the sky and swallowed dryly.. I hope John was home.

 

I paced around the area the events transpired in and thought deeply about what I should do. 

 

"So.. Why did you get kicked out?" Eridan was braiding Vriska's hair. 

 

"Tried to avenge my friends. Wasn't taken well. I don't think I know why you got kicked out though, so tell me." 

"I pulled one of my dad's guns on Sollux." He shrugged. Vriska laughed and fist bumped him. They talked a little bit longer but I cut in. 

 

"We should go home.." 

 

"I agree, it is getting late." He waved and ran back home. Vriska and I jogged back home and collapsed on the living room floor. 

 

"Hello, Jake and Vriska." Sollux helped us both up and handed her her bag. Kanaya looked upset.

 

"Dirk and John haven't come home." She was quiet. I nodded and kissed Vriska as they walked out and I locked the door. I plopped down onto the couch and sighed staring at the ceiling thinking about last night and our laughter.

* Dirk Strider *

Miss Serket kept me after class for detention but let me go an hour early. Something about her feeling bad I guess. I immediately took off towards Gamzee's house. That clown had a lot of explaining to do after this morning and I won't be charmed by his clown loving ass. I knocked on the door and was greeted by his father. 

 

"Good afternoon Mr. Makara." I looked up at him and he smiled letting me in. 

 

"Gamzee ain't here, but you look like you need to talk." He rested his hand on my back and guided me towards the couch. He sat down and patted the spot next to him. I settled into the spot and sighed. He cupped my chin and turned me to face him. He removed my glasses and cooed to me as tears began rolling down my cheek. 

 

"He kissed someone else.." My throat was tight and voice was hoarse. He rubbed my neck and pulled me closer. I felt comfort against this behemoth. He looked down at me and kissed my lips. He spared no chance in making me dizzy with lust like before. He led me to his bedroom and for the first time I saw all the weapons he owned and his void like room. His curtain was sheer and it was intensely satisfying. He cupped my ass and I squeaked squirming in his grasp. He gently put me on his bed and undressed me. He was demanding in what he wanted but sweet and gentle. I never felt this before. I just wanted to feel loved..

 

"You look so beautiful.." I was nude and my pale skin contrasted with his dark sheets. He was shirtless and stared down at me studying me in a way only an artist could. He kissed my nose and grabbed his camera posing it just right before taking a photo. 

 

"So beautiful.." He climbed on top of me ghosting light kisses along my chest and stomach. He licked and kissed my belly button and roughly bit my inner thigh. I moaned and grabbed the bed sheet as he kissed the tip of my cock. He wasted no time getting me fully erected but pulled away to open his drawer. He smiled and rubbed my leg as he fastened a pump like machine around my cock. He sat me up and removed the remainder of his clothing. He climbed onto his bed and spread his legs seductively dragging a hand on his thigh.

 

"Come here.." He purred and gently tucked on the control in his hand. It was connected to the pump so I had no choice but to move closer. He lowered my head near his throbbing head and pressed it against my lips. He growled when I started to suck on the head. He forcibly shoved my head down and I gagged. He chuckled and stroked my head. 

"More than you can handle, huh?" I blushed and took more of him catching him off guard. He thrusted up and I deep throated. He pulled me away and talked while I caught my breath. He produced a bottle of lube and ordered me to finger myself for him. He doused my fingers with the sticky liquid and I positioned myself with my ass in front of him. He smiled as I inserted a finger, he stroked his cock watching me with intense need. He pressed a button and the pump began sucking and tugging. It felt amazing, like nothing I felt before

 

I inserted a second then third knowing my limit. I fingered myself going knuckle deep as he panted. He would murmur my name and bite his lips watching my expressions change with pleasure. He grabbed my arm and twisted me so I my back pressed against his chest. He grabbed my thighs and held them up while he positioned his cock against my entrance. He pushed in and lowered me down on his cock. 

"D-Daddy." I blushed at the stupid words leaving my mouth. He seemed to enjoy it because he started pounding me. It felt too good to explain. He gripped my throat and turned my head resting his mouth against my ear.

 

"Am I best you ever had?" 

"Yes.." He slammed too hard inside me. 

"Answer me properly." 

 

"Yes Daddy." He nipped my ear and went back to his previous speed. My legs burned from the pressure and my body began to shake. He shoved my face first into the bed with my ass up with his cock buried deep inside me. He held my arms back and fucked me faster. I was nearly screaming from the mix of pain and pleasure. He increased the pump gradually until his movement became sporadic. He pounded my ass with no resistance or care and I squealed and mewled with delight. He turned the pump all the way up and my eyes rolled back as my cum shot out almost painfully. I felt his cum fill my ass and he pulled out watching it drip. He again took a photo of the view before stopping the pump and removing it. He tossed it in his bathroom after cleaning me with his shirt. He rubbed my cheek and lovingly kissed my neck as sleep started to consume my thoughts. 

 

A knock resounded at his door and he left me to answer it, leaving his door open. I whined at the loss of warmth and stared at the door. I heard Jake's voice and sighed. I didn't want to deal any of them.. Daddy came back upstairs and smiled at me as I reached out for him. He answered my silent plea and cuddled up with me after making sure the door was locked. I fell asleep clinging to his mass of black hair.

Tomorrow would be a better day..

 

Tomorrow he would deal with this mess..


	10. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh an update.

Dirk Strider 

Surely, this isn’t happening. Is it? I’m watching them kiss again. Is it the first time again? I’m not moving, neither are the two connected by their lip’s. I look like hell. Gamzee looks even worse. John look’s confused and happy. I wonder if he felt bad, or if he even remembers that far back? Doubt it, he was a ditzy kid back then. Still ditzy but sharper now, right? Mm. I miss being kids. I miss a lot of things. What the fuck is that? Why am I floating towards it? It looks hot but I don’t feel it on my skin. Oh, it’s the sun. I can look around. Is that Dave? He was so chubby as a baby. Hehe.. Little dude i am so sorry. I wish I was the guardian you needed. I wish I could have done more for you instead of beating on you any chance you felt weak or did something stupid. God, I failed you didn’t I? I deserve a knife to the chest for the crappy life I had given you. I’m sorry, little dude. Forgive me. 

“Dirk, I think you need to get up.” A deep voice floated like satin over and around my dream self yanking me awake. I blinked and looked up at the beast overlooking me with weary eyes. He was wiping away my tears holding me close to his chest. I smiled and rubbed my face against his hand. Never did I have a lover like him. 

“Bad dream?” He rubbed the back of my head. 

“No, I don’t remember.” I lied. He kissed my forehead and moved away from me standing up and walking towards the bedroom door. He clicked his tongue and cocked his head signaling me to follow him. I smiled and got off the bed running to his side to hug his arm. He chuckled and guided me down the stairs to the kitchen. His oldest son was there and nearly dropped his bowl of cereal. It clattered on the counter but the milk was less lucky and spilled on the counter. He mouthed a curse and grabbed a rag laying it over the spill. The milk bottle was set in the sink. He turned to his dad with his obvious question dancing in his eyes. He gestured to me angrily asking his father why I was naked and in their kitchen doorway clinging to him like that. 

The father shrugged and left me by the doorway to make eggs and bacon. I waved at Kurloz who seemingly was over the situation. He asked me how I was, I responded with a shrug. He nodded sympathetically and took his bowl to his room wanting to leave the awkward situation. Before long the food was done and he gestured me over to him and patted his lap. I took my seat and crossed my ankles. He fed me as he rested his head on my shoulder. He fed himself between bites and rubbed his thumbnail against my neck. I felt at peace. He tapped my leg letting my know it was time to get up and so I did stretching as he washed the dishes. I looked around the room and out the big window. I guessed it was about nine in the morning and I had missed my first class already. Kurloz Sr. looked at me and sighed. 

“I should take you to school.” He seemed to accept my silence as agreement and led me to the bathroom downstairs to shower as he gathered my clothes from upstairs. I did my business and stared at my reflection in the large mirror questioning my very existence with the mild nonchalance of a petty hipster with no real life experience of feeling less than nothing. The hot water I bathed with made my skin look paler than usual. My orange eyes looked foreign to me. I didn’t recognize this person and I feared that. I turned around, my back facing the mirror, and looked at the reflection the best that I could. His claw marks are still bright red and they were glaring right at me. I opened the door and went looking for Daddy who has not given me my clothes yet. I headed up the stairs and down the hall forgetting about Gamzee’s door until I looked at it. It was like it materialized out of nothing. I took a step knowing full well what would happen if he was there. I gripped the knob and turned it. I don’t know if it was a blessing that that the door was unlocked, but it was. It opened quietly and I took a step inside. The darkness welcomed me, but I turned on the light before shutting the door behind me. I didn’t hear anything and looking at his bed it seemed as if he was never home. Everything was cold. I looked at the ribbons of painted colors that once welcomed me. I hugged myself tighter feeling as if the ribbons were trying to trap me. I spun on my heels hearing a voice behind the door. I hugged myself tighter backing up a bit as the door opened. I shut my eyes and whimpered. 

“Wriggler, come here.” Daddy cooed to me. I nodded and followed him out and to his room. He had unfamiliar clothes left out for me but I put them on. All black, just like him, I chuckled and kissed his cheek. He smiled and ushered me to the door giving me a few dollars. 

“You don’t have to pay me.” I looked at him feeling a little upset. He blinks at me and then blushes with a lopsided grin. 

“Ah, I know. I didn’t mean nothing by it, little one. I’m so use to treating you like a child I just wanted to give you lunch money.” I smile and nod kissing his cheek again. 

“Thank you, for last night.” 

“You’re welcome.” He stroked my cheek and coaxed me to go to school. I made my way towards the school, my head in the clouds and my heart light. 

 

Jake English

“By golly, this situation just keeps getting worse.” I leaned against Vriska holding onto a length of her hair She was working on something in her notebook for her LARP sessions. Her map was always treacherous and so winding, she never remembered it herself. Gosh what a woman. 

“Uh, Vris?” I was still looking over her shoulder and I noticed something off about the current graph paper she was drawing on. “What are those?” 

“Secret pathways. I always put them in but the group never notices it. It’s been in the same place for as long as we have been doing this. Of course Miss Blind Legislature never does anything about it, if she even notices it. Ugh, some friend.” She closed her notebook promptly after sloppily stuffing it into her bag. She sighed and stood up cracking her back. I let myself lay down on her former seat on my bed. We hadn’t gone to school for a few reasons. John was still missing and Dad was devastated. Crying. A total wreck. I couldn’t bring myself to speak anymore to him. He would cry for all of us I know because he loves us. John is different though, John is all he had left. His hopes, his motivation, his love for his wife. It must be hard losing all that at once. It’s hard losing a brother. With an ‘s’ I suppose. I sat up and looked at Vriska as the sun shined through the window and onto her. Her eyes illuminated a bright blue from its usual mysteriousness. Her raven hair more defined and her small features enlightened. She was beautiful and dangerous. Cunning and brilliant. Brutally devastating! Shy and scared. Alone and mine. I inhaled deeply heading over to her and holding her wrist circling the already faded scars of her last role play with Terezi. With tenderness and ease I held her against me, almost as if she might break. I know full well her capabilities and what she could do to me, the fact that she never could and would never hurt me.. It made my heart leap. I’m so happy I have her here with me in these hard times. 

She’s looking at me with that look again. I got carried away? Maybe I annoyed her this time. I was holding her too tight. And she let me without protest. 

“I love you, you idiot.” We’ve had this conversation too many times to do it over again. This was the only confirmation that I needed and she knew it. No one would ever see this part of her but me, and I need to be careful or she will block me out again. I would go hunting for her again, she is my favorite prey. 

“Where’s Dave?” She spoke soft but walked quietly and quickly towards out my bedroom door. 

“Out? He had left shortly after Dad.” I should have stopped him but frankly I didn’t care too much about him. Vriska opened the door walking normally now, she was going to be quick. I stood by the doorway as she picked apart John's’ side of the room carefully. She stopped abruptly upon finding his tablet cracked and unable to work. She walked back out shutting the door and led me to the couch. She paced around as I sat still not seeing what she saw. 

“John has a phone right?” 

“Right.” 

“It’s not there.” 

“Do you think he has it on him?” 

Before she could answer Dave walked in, his headphones blaring and a scowl prominent on his lips. He was carrying a black plastic bag, I recognized the smell. 

“If you wanted bacon and eggs we have some in the fridge.” He nodded but otherwise kept walking to his room. I sighed and looked at Vris who had her arms crossed and her glare pointed directly at my baby brothers head. I stood up and grabbed my shoes from the hallway. She went back to my room understanding my motives. She returned with her blue shirt wrapped around her waist and her bag on her shoulder. I got up and held the door open for her. She pecked my cheek and walked ahead of me. Once we were closer to the school she spoke again. 

“Call him.” And I did, but the phone kept ringing. My heart cracked up a bit. 

“I don’t think he will answer Vris. If he ran away than why would he want to be found?” 

“Deep down most runaways want to be found and made to feel like they matter.” She shrugged and stared at the front door as we passed by it. We sat on the steps while she texted Kan, most likely. 

“Why would John be any different?”


	11. Filler Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like writing a little bit more

Gamzee Motherfucking Makara 

Okay, so I didn’t expect all that to come up, but it did. The shit hit the fan and by hit the fan I mean did two youth rolls a fucking somersault and two backflips before smacking the fan with its face. In other words it was hilarious. I left after kissing John feeling a little bit more at ease with myself I heard about the shit from random gossip. Of course most of it was skewed saying I punched John and Dirk kept Dave out of harm's way, or I forced myself on Egbert. The second one is my favorite, but I respect that no means no. Whatever. They can think what they want to think. Now that everyone’s cleared away from outside and Dirk’s father is a few minutes from home with the younger ones, I can freely walk around without persecution. 

“Vriska I have had enough of your shenanigans. Now go, the school let you stay with me and I let you go see your friends during lunch but now you must be on your way.” I immediately jumped into a bush. 

“Yeah.. Sure mom.” I adjusted myself and held my breath waiting for spider bitch and spider mom leave. 

“Great, I will see you at home.” The front door of the school closed and Vriska walked by with her phone in hand. She stopped in front of my hiding spot and stared at it. 

“I’ll deal with you later, Makara.” She hissed and made her way towards wherever. I got out and quickly walked towards the college. My nerves were jumpy, she was scarier than Aradia. Aradia took off one of Vriska’s fingers in middle school and chased her around the building trying to get her tongue, she was a force to be reckon with. She was in the same school if I remember right but in one of those one-on-one classes. She wasn’t a mean girl just hated Vris. Maybe me and her can work out a deal. With that I stopped and turned on my heels heading back to the school. 

Eventually I found her class and was now standing in front of it. I stared through the window as she painted her handcrafted skull. Her dress was really weird, like just white sheer wrapped around her body. She had a crown made of thorns on her head and her hair was way longer than I have ever seen. She hasn’t changed much since I last saw her. She looked at me and stood there letting the puzzle pieces flow into place. I smiled and she ran to the door to unlock it. The teacher wasn’t paying attention or he just did not care. 

“Gamzee?” She was still short as ever. 

“I need a favor. Take a walk with me.” She skipped along next to me. She has no shoes on.


	12. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember kids Gamzee's POV is after the kids went home and Vriska was kicked out, before Dirk had left for the Makara household and slept with GHB. Just fillin in the gaps because, y'know, suspense.

Gamzee Makara - The second most important character

“What compelled you to come speak to me, Gamzee?” She was staring at me from the corner of her eye. She didn’t trust me. 

“Little sheep sis, don’t be all up and hostile with me. Your mistrust would be better suited towards someone else. A spider maybe.” My voice was slow and I knew I had her attention. Her long curly hair flowed behind her as we walked. Sure she was tiny but she could keep up with my long strides. Without a doubt she would be a useful pawn in my game. We traversed the halls seeing as she needed to wait until certain time to leave. She was punctual, time meant nothing to her but it was beaten into her through her younger years. She was busy thinking about my question that was never asked, so we stopped by in an empty hallway and leaned on opposite sides of the wall. 

“What would you need from me? What would I get, clown?” Her voice was stern and her threat was clear. If I crossed her my whole plan would fall apart. I smiled, risk was wonderful. 

“Cut the bitch. Make her spill her blood all over the ground Rub it in her pretty face how she lost to me, and maybe paint her fucking skull too.” This wicked grin couldn’t be held back any longer. It spread across my face further distorting my fucked up paint. She grinned at me. 

“I want someone in return.” I cocked my head and squinted at her. Odd request, sure it won’t be that hard to fulfill her wish.

 

Jake English 

“Dad you are exaggerating, cut that shit out right now.” Dirk was home after being gone for a day and a half. He came into school today and didn’t really talk to anyone. This boy actively avoided Karkat and Kanaya in the halls. Strider you dick. I was sitting on the couch after our one sided conversation during our walk home. His clothes were different and clean meaning he spent the night some place else. He didn’t even have the common courtesy to call any of us. Dad was a nervous wreck all night worrying about John and Dirk. I won’t blame him for causing pain because he never knew John was missing and probably still has zero knowledge of these events. His baby brother has himself holled up in his bedroom doing lord knows what in their and hasn’t made so much as a peep. 

“EXAGGERATING!” Dad actually screamed. Dirk visibly shrunk and dropped into stance of flight or die, one leg back and ready to aid him in his run. He didn’t move and stared at Dad as he approached him. His shades were ripped right from his face and our fathers anger and sadness was reflected in his orange eyes. Fire that Dirk had never known or seen before not even when Dad found us in his study trying to make him a birthday present out things we put together. Like a trained child Dirk sat down on the couch with his head hung low and fists clenching and unclenching. He rubbed his palms across his face as guilt swept over him. I didn’t look at him just sat with my legs crossed and head resting on my own palm. Dad paced around as his anger subsided. 

“Dirk, i’m going to ask you again, where were you last night?” 

“At my.. Friends home.” I noted the pause as Dirk spoke. 

“And John? Did you see him?” 

“John? What happened to John?” He turned around to face dad with honest curiosity. He hadn’t heard.

“Dirk.. John has been missing since yesterday. Nobody saw where he went or if he was with someone when he left but all we know is we can’t find him anywhere. Any leads we had were false or went no where.. Dave hasn’t seen or heard anything either. Speaking of Dave he hasn’t been himself since the whole innocent from the other day.” He rubbed his face and sighed. 

His eyes were red from lack of sleep and excessive crying. I tried to take care of him in the morning feeding him and making him his favourite tea. It worked a little bit but I knew it would be impossible to stop his pain. Silence fell over us like a blanket. Dad opted to go cook dinner and maybe bring himself to make a cake. He has been struggling to do so all day. I sigh and stare daggers at my brother. 

“What friend did you stay with?” 

“At the Makara household.. Gamzee was missing too and I comforted his father and brother.” 

“So you couldn’t call because you were busy helping them instead of us? You couldn’t even call or text? You know how Dad is!” I was getting loud, getting angry and I wasn’t feeling apologetic about it. “How dare you Strider! I mean, gadzooks man do you know the hell we’ve been through? We have been going through turmoil through those past hours! Losing sleep and putting aside our daily routine because we were practically dead. Is the situation computing in that motherboard you call a brain? I feel like all you are is a goddamn robot sometimes, Dirk! Are you even human?” I was beyond flabbergasted. I couldn’t hold back my anger or keep myself level headed. He was so- so FUCKING oblivious to other people’s feelings! All those robot parts in the garage are probably for an exact replica of him to transfer his conscious too. It’ll never grow and mature like a regular human being. 

“Speak to me you petrified little shit, christ man, you have everybody going bonkers over you and you don’t even care.” I enunciated the last four words of sentence. I heard Vriska gasp on the other side of my bedroom door. She knew what was best for me and kept herself out of sight. She always told me I needed to be honest with my emotions. 

“You don’t know anything about me, English!” His voice was booming but i stood unwavering against his growing rage.

“Quit with the self-loathing, lone wolf act you goddamn prick! No wonder you’re so tight lipped and stoic all the gosh dang time! You’re feelings and doubts are centered all around yourself like you’re the fucking center of the world!” 

“Jake-” 

“Don’t you ‘Jake’ me! I am sick and tired of your selfish acts. We have put up with it enough times standing by you but you STILL think you are alone! Will you ever change?” 

“I GUESS NOT JAKE YOU WHINY SACK OF SHIT! You wanna talk down to me about my fucking problems? What about your girlfriend whom you attach yourself to like your fucking life depends on it! Like you’ll fucking die if she isn’t with you! OH wait!” 

“Strider- Dirk get away from me!” There’s a struggle and the couch has toppled over. I remember swinging blindly as I was dazed and thrown. The room had partially stopped spinning but I notice a vice grip on my wrist and my eyes go wide. I look up at a blurry Dirk and i grit my teeth as anger filled me. 

“Look at that Jake! Look at those cuts! Are those self inflicted? Of course they are! You tried killing yourself in that very bathtub because you couldn’t stand being all alone in life! I bet you don’t even love Vriska! You fucking parasite!” My free fist connected with his jaw and I just kept swinging as tears clouded my vision. Dad had pulled me off and was holding us apart. His lip was split and he was beyond angry. 

“I wish you died in that bathtub.” He hissed at me.

“I wish I could say that I don’t agree.” I hissed back and his eyes went wide. Dad looked at me equally shocked. “Guess I was wrong about the whole happy family crap. Who knew how right I was at the beginning when I saw those shiny front doors and John smiling at me.. Who knew it would just be another broken home made of failures.” I shoved Dad off of me roughly and walked away entering my room and slamming the door behind me. Vriska was standing a few feet from me but I ignored her. I barely caught a glimpse of tears and puffy eyes or how she reached out to grasp my hand before smashed the photo’s on the desk at the end of my bed. Who fucking knew. What a shit person I turned out to be. Dirk isn’t that better either. 

There was a knock at the door and I nearly broke the door when I swung it open. It was Dirk and he was staring right into my green eyes. He opened his mouth to speak and I decked him square on the jaw. He recoiled from the hit but otherwise never broke eye contact. He responded by kicking me in the stomach onto my back. He knocked the wind out of me all I could do was lay there in pain as he grabbed my hair and lifted me up. 

“S- Strider.” I coughed. “Whatever you were doing at that house. I hope it was worth it. Something just doesn’t add up though.” His eyes widened, I may have stumbled upon something. 

“I stopped by your boyfriend's home and his father didn’t even seem phased by his son's absence.” Dad, who looked as if he was about to have a panic attack suddenly snapped to attention. “Yeah.. Dirk ol’ chum you’re hiding something.” I smirked at him as I righted myself and shoved his hand away. He looked frozen on the spot. Dad seemed to be lining up some questions for him. I want to find John because he is the only brother I have left in this home and I don’t care who gets hurt in my quest. 

“Does this make you feel good, Jake? Acting all high and mighty as if finding John is gonna make your life better and worth living?” I don’t answer him and Dad takes the opportunity to send him to his room. Dirk went willingly. 

“Jake.. Have I done a bad job as a parent?” Dad was quiet as he spoke while staring the toppled couch. 

“I was angry at Dirk, I’m happy living here, living with you. This is just a bad patch.” I lifted the couch up and set it right. I looked at my room and noticed Vriska had begun cleaning out the mess i had made in the room. She had a trash bag full of splintered frames and jagged glass poking out awkwardly. I sighed and hugged myself as I watched her work with her cheeks stained with tears. She finished cleaning and tied up the bag and dusted off her hands on her pants. She looked at me and smiled. The smile was so broken and distorted that I couldn’t even smile back. She hugged me tight and told me she loved me and that we would talk tomorrow after I had rested. She slipped on her sneakers and left. I walked back inside my bedroom and tucked her bag in the corner. I’d have to deliver it tomorrow. In hindsight i should have walked her home, she was so distressed. She left in such a hurry. Had i managed to hurt her that bad? Dirk you cancerous fool…


	13. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprised to see me? Same. There is smut in this chapter. Be prepared, grab some tissues.

Today marks the three week anniversary since John Egbert went missing. His pristine face and his buck teeth shine on TV’s all across the tri-state area. Such a sweet boy with plenty of life left to live. Mistakes to be made, games to played, friends to save, people to love, people to hate, relationships to form, family dinners to be had. All those little things that once seemed expendable have now become rare. Every finger that claws in the darkness that voices no longer swallow up have now become even bigger, even more insidious that it scares people. It makes strangers weep for the lost souls who are dusted into the closet and only remembered when it needs to be open again.The darkness that was once thought to only loom over us proving that it was always part of us. A heart is beating on a string, but growing ever distant. Hope has made a sharp turn in the other direction it’s own string wrapped about its neck. Light flutters in and out with an ever changing form. Time and Rage are playing the role of the villain. The immaculate stage is set but the pieces have yet to fall into line, into any desirable pattern, it makes us sick. 

 

Open your baby blue eyes for us. 

 

Open them. 

 

John Egbert 

 

I don’t know where I am. All there seems to exist is fluttering light and birds singing songs high above me. Their notes are the only thing that assures me that I can still hear. My voice hasn’t been heard in weeks. I stopped screaming for help a long, long time ago. Time doesn’t play anything here though, I exist outside time and space here. It cannot touch me. Nothing can. It’s hard to sit up but I manage and it leaves me light headed and on the verge of spewing up my dinner from the night before, but if I did this they would frown upon it and not feed me anything. So, I will swallow it and hold it down for the sake of survival. I take in and note my surroundings like always A painted over door with a large enough slot to fit through food. A small table old and dusty with, what I imagine, used to be vibrant and vase of some sort. Now it’s just grey and dull. I sigh and wonder if the vase was suppose to represent me. Smirking I turn my head towards the other small wall. It was empty of anything except paintings and writing. They give me paint to keep me busy. Above me is a cobweb filled ceiling with a skylight. This is where the birds songs filter in and to my ears. I still have my blue hoodie. It reminds me that I can see. Oh and how could I forget the little camera at the top left corner of the door. They watch me everyday to make sure I don’t misbehave. I wonder if anyone misses me. I can hear them bringing my food. I wonder if it’s the older boy? He likes to watch me eat through the peep holes.

 

Dirk Strider 

 

I’ve been fucking the Grand Highblood for almost a month now. He’s taken me out various times formal dinners with business associates and to private dinners as well. Daddy has sprung my interests in cross dressing and makeup. I find it exciting to put on fake breasts and to galavant in public to show off the ass hie has procured. Barely nineteen he tells to them and I just sit there and smile. See around him I am someone new, someone full of life and without worries. I don’t care for my broken family like this nor do I worry for my lost brother. I smile and stuff it all inside because that’s what people like me do. We hide and create a ball of cancer that eats us from the inside out until we become an infectious ball ourselves. We spread our contagious thinking making them believe that we are perfect and manage life with ease. There is nothing that can bring us down. Of course it’s a goddamn lie, but who cares? I sip champagne and live life on someone's arm like a piece of fucking candy. Like a fucking parasite. 

 

Never thought I would hit a point so low in my life that it made me sick to look at my reflection. The last I had any real self-respect was the day I went home and learned about him being gone. Maybe I could help but I am much too selfish to do that. Doing so would expose my secret life and get this man arrested. His boys would stay in this house and Kurloz would be the first in line to replace his father. It’s a well known fact that the Makara household and their business partners are powerful allies and influential enemies. Eridan’s father may seem tame but that man is married to the sea and she is faithful to him. Anything he does out there will never even make a blip on the radar. I’d just be another dead tranny in a ditch. Fun stuff.

 

But what if I could enlist their help? As far as I can tell, John never made close friends with these families. Never stated why but he preferred kids without scary siblings. Speaking of scary siblings, the Peixes girl was graduating college and taking ownership of a small part of her Mother’s business. She would lead the muscle which fits her personality and would find a use for her sharp teeth and silver tongue. Her Mother took an interest in me not long ago as well. She looked at me as a person but her smile always insisted she didn’t see me as much. I didn’t see myself as much either so who cares. The school day ended with no real mark on me aside from the snide remarks of English. Our friends had caught wind of what happened and avoided me like the plague. None of them speak to each other as a result of this. Couples have fallen and the magic is gone. How else am I suppose to further push the fact that the blue eyed boy being gone has eaten at all of us? 

 

I’m walking down the familiar block that shifted between middle class and upper-middle class when out from the shadows came a familiar body. His arms wrapped around my waist and my hands pressed on his chest putting some distance between us. Same doped out grin and half lidded eyes that I have grown to distance myself from. It’s hard dating your ex’s Dad especially when these clown fuckers aren’t afraid to break boundaries. Kurloz has been out of the house staying at a friends, Rose never stops by or calls or so I was told by their Father. He smiles down at me and leans down to try and kiss my lips. I turn my head away from him peeling my body away from his. He frowns but his smile comes back almost immediately. Gamzee doesn’t say anything as he walks beside me. This is absolutely normal for us. Hell there have been times he invites himself into the bathroom while I bathe. I imagine he is lonely. 

 

I grimace and hang my head as we round the driveway and make our way to the door. It’s always unlocked because who would enter a house with these people living here. People with no will to live is who. I take off my sneakers and leave it by the front door, same with my bag. I stumble up the stairs and towards my shared bedroom. Gamzee made his way into the kitchen to whip up some stoner concoction before dinner. Entering the room I toss my shades to the side and remove my pants opting to lounge around in my sweater. Tossing myself on the bed I let myself unwind. I had a few hours to go before I had to get dressed. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and unlocked it. I had managed to a bit of avoiding at school myself, strictly from Dave. I knew he was clingy but this type of attention could land my ass somewhere bad. Of course that didn’t stop me from opening the many unread messages. Among the path of self destruction were numerous nudes. Some of which contained the frequent display of self mutilation. He said it was to prove his love or something. Dad texted me letting me know Dave went to the hospital overnight because of some odd lacerations to his backside. The kid cut his own asshole. He acted totally normal with everyone but they suspect stress has been bringing him down and he will break any time soon. I said he already broke. They didn’t know how to respond but to hang their heads. 

 

While scrolling through the texts I found the stream of nudes. To say I wasn’t becoming aroused would be a lie. I could hide the whole Bucket family and their weird bed in the tent in my pants. Weird. I groan and let my hand roam down below checking for said family. Even weirder. With every grunt and weak whimper I was getting closer and closer. It’s just, Dave looked so desperate in these photo’s. He didn't wear his shades in any of these photos and his eyes were so expressive. Every body movement he made were explicit and provocative. God we’re all so fucked up. That didn’t stop me from pumping any faster. My legs shook and my body twitched as I struggled to grip the phone in hand. As i scrolled further forever sealing my spot in hell I caught sight of a picture from a few days ago. My cum shot out staining my boxers and causing my back to arch upwards. My face was contorted into one of pain and confusion as I scrambled to sit up and check that picture again. 

 

The photo was a shot of Dave from above. His legs were spread and his dick had a rubber band tied right under his cock head. A hand gripped his ankle pushing his leg against his chest while the other dangled to the side. His red eyes shined in the flash of the camera. Everything about his body was intoxicating at that moment but who was taking this picture of him. There were multiple images in this message. The next one showed his abused hole being entered. The one after was a photo from the side showing Dave deep-throating the penis from before. He looked like he was in so much pain. It grated on me that I couldn’t tell who this was. It isn’t like I could go ask him. He would play it off like he had no idea what I was going on about. I grew frustrated and pulled my hair away from my face as I kept scrolling. Each picture was a different position and half way through the roll it became clear Dave was losing consciousness. The last contained a familiar doped out grin. Gamzee was holding Dave against him and the blonde boy was staring straight at the camera with a weak smile. It took a moment to notice it was a short clip. I pressed play.

 

“Go ahead and tell the pretty light what we did.” Gamzee gripped the back of his head, his eyes losing the haze and becoming sharp as he stared at the camera. Dave might as well been looking at me at this moment. He smiled and I could see how damaged he had become. 

 

“I slept with Gamzee.” Said clown shook Dave’s head. 

 

“Why?”

 

“To be like Dirk,” The video cut out and directed me back to my inbox. I locked my phone and tossed it aside. I rested my head in my hands. How am I supposed to deal with this? I can’t just confront him but I imagine he knows that I’ve seen it. Kurloz Sr walked into the room and set his things down. It was silent for a moment before he rested a hand on my shoulder.

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“What happened?” 

 

“The Bucket family lost their home.” 

 

Jake English

 

Vriska hasn’t spoken to me in a week and a half. It’s been decided on that night that we should break up. It seems she is doing better, out making new friends. I ended up alone as no one had any real interest in spending time unless there was no problems. Dad threw himself into his work, Dirk is never home, Dave is in the hospital again under watch by the staff. At this moment I’m alone and angry. I unlocked my phone and dialed up a quick fix for this solution. 

 

“Jake?” A familiar lispy voice answered the call. I smirked but it quickly vanished. 

 

“Old friend! Why not stop over?” I tried to sound as chipper as humanly possible. I herd movement before he agreed. Hanging up I set the phone in my pocket and went to the bathroom. Inside my little drawer contained some contacts, one that matched John’s shade exactly. I put them on and styled my hair before scampering back to my room. I tore off my long sleeve and put on John’s hoodie. As I was finishing I didn’t bother to look in the mirror again in fear that I might fall apart. The doorbell rang and I found myself making a mad dash to the door. I opened it and stared at the tall figure before me. Sollux looked at me with disgust. Without a word he pushed me inside my home and slammed the door behind him. I didn’t dare move when he turned to look at me. 

 

The look of hatred fueled me and made my heart swell in my chest. It was becoming hard to breath so I thanked the stars when he pulled off my sweater. We had no shame as he bit my neck and roughly ran his hands over my body. Sollux rubbed himself against my crotch, our erections causing further friction making my moans become even more weak. Soon I was a begging mess on that floor. Sitting up he removed my pants and undid his buttons and zipper. He shoved two finger inside me and raked his nails along my walls. 

 

Covering my mouth he continued to finger me becoming forceful and using my blood as lube. He yanked his fingers out and replaced them with his cock. He forced it all in. I’d rather not describe the rest, just know that I now am familiar with the taste of my blood and his semen. He left me there with blood leaking from my rectum. I guess me and Dave have more in common than I thought. With that cynical thought I cleaned up the bloody mess and limped to the bathroom to remove the contacts and wash away my shame with scalding water.


	14. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short updates because y'all deserve something.

Dirk Strider

 

“I really don’t get you kids sense of humour these days.” The GHb sat on his bed scrolling through a general news feed while I stood in front of the mirror combing my hair. His mirror in the bathroom is this $300 dollar vanity with adjustable lighting. He gave me the honors of making a little bit more practical by adding solar panels outside the little window in and connecting it to the mirror. His bathroom is cozy and full of lavender scented candles and fuzzy mats. I called it cute and he called me a dope though I’ve been with him long enough to know when he’s been flattered. My toes dug into the mat as I tossed my sweater and shirt onto the bed. I strutted out and walked towards my little closet in the corner to pull out a red strapless dress. It wasn’t shiny and that’s exactly how I liked it. To the point i liked the bodice and layered skirt part. Don’t know what it’s called, excuse me for that. I walked back towards the bathroom and hung it on the front of the door. 

 

“Neither do I.” I shrugged and turned to face him. His thin glasses sat on his nose and his long curly hair was pulled in a ponytail. Climbing on the bed I smiled at him. Setting his phone down he looked at me expectantly. His eyes were filled with fire and his smile only grew as I positioned myself on his lap. He took in my nude form his eyes moving back and forth over old love bites and bruises. His fingers spread on my hips and moved further up on my side. I leaned down pressing my body against his. His eyes became softer and his smile gentle, we kissed and whispered to each other all the horrible things we wanted to do. 

 

The act itself was ironic. A loving gesture hiding the guise of a semi abusive sex life, hiding the primal nature of a man who took in a broken boy for his own needs. When he holds me close to him and strokes my back like this it makes me feel safe and it breaks down all my walls. He ushers me up still holding my hand. He says something about running out of time, but I don’t pay attention too much to what he says. We walk to the bathroom and he shuts the door careful to avoid wrinkling my dress. He knows I get antsy about things like that. I leave him to run the water and sit on the edge of the tub. The water slips through my fingers and spreads warmth through me, the steam picks up and the mirrors are starting to fog up. I step in and switch the faucet, the water pours over my head. He steps in behind me and closes the glass pane. The sunlight shines through it. I shut my eyes and focus on the water gliding down my body and soaking my hair. I feel his chest press against my back and his hands hold me close to him the my waist. He squeezes and kisses the top of my head.He brings a hand to my throat and runs a finger along my chin. 

 

Grabbing a rag and his favourite lavender soap he squirts some onto it and lathers it up a bit. He pulls me against him and rubs the rag against my shoulder running it along my arm in circles before cleaning each finger. He did the same on the other arm. He pressed it on my chest and rubbed little circles while pulling me closer to him. The lower he got on my body the less attention he paid. The rag eventually from his hold and his hand gripped my throbbing member. I rested my arms on his shoulder as he leaned down to kiss me. Each squeeze and stroke fueled our kiss. He lifted me up by my thighs and slammed me against the wall. The water felt cold as our bodies seemingly melted into one another. His fingers rubbed my entrance and pushed inside of me. I was embarrassed to say that it took far more to fill me now. Each gentle thrust was driving me mad and I expressed that by grabbing his hair a little too tight. He smirked against my lips and pulled away only to rush to my neck and pepper it with kisses. Finally he fed my hole two and then three fingers bringing me close the edge as he spread the fingers apart inside me. He pulled out and pressed his member against my hole. 

 

It still felt like the first time, the slow and caring movements, his dirty whispers and his stare. I had myself spread out for him easy to read and quick to please. I didn’t dare close my mutated eyes as i stared into his. I could tell it was bringing him close as well. He kept pace but pushed himself impossibly deep each time. I felt myself tightening around him and the small twitches of my cock alerted him of what was to come. He pulled out and squeezed our cocks together stroking them with his hand. He kissed me, biting at my lip giving it a bright red color. His body shook with a light shiver as we both got near the end. Cum shot out from both of us and our moans harmonized. He let go of my leg and let me sink to the bottom of the tub. The water thundered against my body and washed away what clung to my body. He continued to bathe both of us before turning off the water. Helping me up he handed me a bright orange towel, one that was extra fluffy and I buried my face into it. 

 

We sat on the bed not long after, me in my dress with my fake breasts attached and makeup already applied. I was just slipping on my stockings when a knock came at his bedroom door. I continued getting dressed as Highblood opened the door. On the other side was his oldest son. The mute signed to his father and left shortly after. I could hear the front door slamming shut. He set something down on his business folders, probably going to attend to it later. He stood by the vanity adjusting his tie and slicking his hair back. He let me dry it after the shower with an old blow dryer and it looked much softer than usual. He said he liked it but it lacked it’s usual fluffy nature. I had to agree but he still remained just as handsome. 

 

Standing up I checked myself behind him and gave him a playful wink as I rushed back out to slip on my flats. My hair was left as is only combed to the side and clipped there, I should mention that I took up straightening it for these events. GHB stepped out dressed and ready to go, his tuxedo coat draped over his arm. I stood back up after checking my contacts and making sure everything was in order. When I turned to look at him I could tell he liked when I dressed like this. Deep down it made him feel proud of how the other men ogled me. Holding out his elbow I took it and we exited the room and headed down the stairs. Gamzee was hanging out in the living room watching some TV show about a dude who takes ranch dressing like it’s a drug. It was muted. 

 

“Don’t burn the place down.” Gamzee gave a lazy thumbs up but when the door unlocked he turned to look at me and winked. I remained neutral and stepped out the brisk night. He draped the coat over my shoulders and placed his hand on my lower back. I opened the door and sat down smoothing out my dress but pulling the coat tighter around me. The driver door opened and closed, I grabbed the aux cord and connected it to my phone. He raised a brow at me, I never reach for the cord. I shrug mumbling something about a piece of music I completed at school. He smiles. 

 

“Isn’t that how you and kid-goat met?” The car pulled into the street. 

 

“Yeah. We made a piece together in one of our classes.” Despite what I felt about him he could rhyme and speak as fast as he wanted to. It was fun creating beats with him. Dave even had respect for him during that time. 

 

“Time flies, doesn’t it?” i nod with his sentimental remark. 

 

“I wish time wouldn’t shove itself into my face any chance it got.” The car remained quiet. It was like he wanted to say something to me but he kept his lips pressed in a thin line. 

 

“I won’t lie and tell you it gets better. Life is suppose to distract you from passing time. I’m glad I got a chance with you; life feels easier.”

 

“It’s the only part of life that hasn’t cracked and fallen apart.” I think my voice cracked but I ignored it. Paying attention to my feelings will make me cry and if I cry I’ll ruin my makeup. My lashes aren’t long enough for the tears to just roll off of. He says nothing but takes me hand as we drive. The only sound came from my beats, course it was a finished work because part of the group didn’t get to contribute to it. The speakers reminded me of a better time. Hell, even Dad contributed with a fatherly rap. Of course I could hear John behind the music cheering his father on. It was a reminder that he was still here just beyond the music and just out of reach. I kept in the little cover he did of one of his favorite songs. Kinda odd for a happy guy like him. His part came on full with happy singing and cute dorky giggles. 

 

“ First love does not mean best love

 

And best friends may not mean best friends forever

 

But they both mean at some point, somewhere, someone did care

 

And their memories still here “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crywank - Welcome to Castle Irwell


	15. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really liked the idea of cross dressing Dirk's. Forgive me for those who find it very stupid. It's not relevant at all but it worked for hiding his age and identity from the rest. ALL of the human ancestors are apart of a mafia group or are connected by family. Maybe both.

Dirk Strider 

 

Yeah so sappy shit over. I’m at that fancy dinner party I was not bragging about before. GHB has more or less went off to a private meeting with his associates. This left me with time to stand by the immaculate snack table and pick at the mini sandwiches. I stacked a plate with a variety of sandwiches and what I assumed were chips. I also had a glass of bubbly champagne, its nesting between my fingers. I was seated by myself away from the party on a plush fancy couch. It was a velvety red, my favorite colors. I frowned and sipped at the half empty glass. The fluid tickled my throat as it traveled down. I set the cup down by my feet and pulled the plate closer to me. I think they really did a good job with the tuna sandwiches. Most people usually suck when it comes to these, this is how i knew it would be a good night. 

 

Not far from me was a thick black door. GHB was behind it right now though the only way you’d know is by the stench of cigars and old blood wafting from the holes in the wall. The holes were there just in case someone brought in some gas related bomb. It was connected by a crazy amount of small pipes that can be opened or closed through a little pulley system. It was a product offered by the Makara’s to a select few. He made an easy living out of that money alone. He just works to leave things behind for his future grand kids, should he have any. He hopes for Kurloz and Rose to get in a family way once she’s out of high school. Of course I had to remind him of her dreams and that she most likely wouldn’t take the money like he would hope. He laughed and told me they had an agreement where he’d buy their first house and furnish it. Of course she agreed with her lover having appealed to her sensitive side. It still makes me smile imagining what a beast of child those two would create. Kurloz may be mute but he signs like a motherfucker.

 

Lucky Rose. 

 

I recline and cross my legs, ankle over knee, and take bites out of this sandwich. I’m pretty sure I need to snag the tray of roast beef next time I decide to make my rounds. The pretentious snack tables brings me back to when chips, soda, and cookies. Hell, we even had a bowl of spaghetti. We’d queue up some terrible movies and laugh at every cliche presented to us. We’d brag about never being scared and then screaming so loud when jump scares pop up. John always did this, swearing he was never scared of the movie. Later he’d scream and duck behind some pillows. Sometimes he’d dive behind people while throwing skittles in the air. Said person, usually Karkat, would toss the bowl of popcorn. He’d rant about how lame John was while holding him close. Needless to say Mituna was never pleased with John always trying to one up him in things. John would do the same, though less effective. 

 

I hadn’t seen Karkat in a while. Maybe it’s time I reach out to him about his angry yet supportive letters left in my locker. I recline getting comfortable on this velvet sham. My arm draped over the armrest while I picked at the plate of bland chips. The party was becoming a little louder what with high quality booze being passed around. The women without escorts became a little too flirty with the big names. They ended up going home with the smaller ones who pine after what that guy has. When said guy tosses her aside for another she automatically becomes prey to the lesser and sticks with them. Sometimes everyone would know a name of one floozy and how she sunk half the men by fucking them all and getting pregnant. She had an abortion and no it wasn’t like six babies it was just one embryo. She sent everyone of them a voicemail stating she was pregnant. They wire her some thousand dollars to keep quiet about it. Two weeks later she’s at a different group and snags a man. 

 

I am the top rung of girls here. You would understand why it’s hard for me to make friends here. Whatever, I needed that booze. Getting up I smooth my dress and walk out into the crowded ballroom. The lights were set low and the smog from smoke drifted along obscuring faces as they went. Everyone seemed to amalgamate into some beast with a thousand voices. Some powerful the others subdued. Restless and heavy with the need to pounce and swallow up the untouchable. I strutted my movements hypnotic and my steps silent. I sliced through the beast as I made my way to the bar. The bar had small lights that shined off the marble top and onto the hanging glass around the room. All eyes were on me and the barkeep became antsy with my arrival. He takes out a glass trying not to fumble around or break anything. I wave it off and point to a bottle behind him. An unopened bottle of the good shit being passed around. He gives me a pair of squint eyes. I look at him with smoldering orange eyes. These eyes of mine shine brighter than this whole setup. 

 

It’s not me being vain either, in the darkest corner people come to me and say how brightly they shine from across the room. He fumbles again and hands me the bottle. I twist the wrapped cork and toss it to him before turning and strutting through the still open path way I had made. My hands squeezed the neck and my lips wrapped around the opening. It traveled within me and became one with my body. The pink bottle with a logo of the Capricorn. My favorite drink. I made my way towards the snack table and gathered samples of whatevers left. I hear a newcomer talking about me while the people surrounding her stay quiet. Eventually she leaves shaking her head with passion. I stay and pick up a few more things before heading back to my seat. I hear a few snickers and hushes through the crowd closest to me. The beast is taunting me. 

 

Condy walks beside me with her flowing mane obscuring the both of us. Her body movement reminded me of a snake gliding through water. Today she was in a business suit tailored to her body. Said she preferred the suit and tie against an unflattering pantsuit. Her cheek was in her tongue and her coat hung on her arm. Her long pink nails pressed against the palm of her tanned skin. When she was gushing over her youngest child she showed me photos of her family vacations to this private beach she owned. She had freckles on her shoulders and tummy even across her chest. Her sharpened teeth was her only red flag. It’s strange seeing someone so feared with a happy smile wearing crop tops and shorts on a board walk. The silly pictures her and her girls took made me wonder how bad it would need to be to break this family apart. 

 

I adored this woman just enough to let her eat from my personal buffet. She tapped my shoulder and pointed towards the men in suits gathered near the door. The smell of cigars and cheap cologne wafted over the whole crowd. To the people outside of this circle it was just some men enjoying a lovely night out from work. On the darker side of things you can spot the glint in each of their eyes and the underlying fear that mingled with the thought of losing your head. Me and Condy waited until the other men left with their tails between their legs. Dual was dressed sharp holding a familiar cigarette in between his fingers. As we got closer and the two men stepped inside the opened room I could hear the conversation going on.

 

“So I caught Cronus with one of these devil sticks in his bedroom again. It’s like this kid never learns. I swear he has gotten it in for the smaller Vantas child as well. As if he wasn’t bad enough he seems to be chasing after the young ones.” He turned and caught sight of me, his lips twitched up. “Quite like yourself, Highblood.” He lit the cigarette and held it between his lips removing his coat and tossing it over a chair. The Condesce gave a slight snort. 

 

“Isn’t the oldest Captor child dating him? I wonder how the Father feels for that.” 

 

“The Father feels proud.” The preacher stepped in, patted my shoulder, and took a seat. I didn’t know he was here today. He was always a good talk. I set the plate down and Condy stood next to where I sat. She leaned against the table, her coat on my lap. I now noticed her pink belt matching her seashell necklace. Always a snappy dresser. We both picked at the plate of food. Highblood, as he was called, smiled down at me and took a little sandwich in his hands. He walked over to the preacher. 

 

“Have you the good word, Father?” With a curl of his lips and a slight show of sharp teeth he removed a brightly colored tie from his breast pocket. He slipped it into my lover’s hands before clasping his hands together on the table. I turned my head to the side and sipped at my bottle. Condy crossed her arms and stared at the article of clothing. 

 

“Tacky.” Condy giggled.

 

“Who did him in?” Highblood asked.

 

“Surely not Father.” Dual kicked his feet up on the table. 

 

“The Psiioniic boy did it.” The room was filled with a hum of approval. 

 

“With no blood on the tie?” Condy walked over to them and looked over it. 

 

“A needle half full of air.” The Father enjoyed having the room at his attention. He smirked as he pulled out his small black book and scratched a single line. It was just one of many others. 

 

“Dead? With that?” 

 

“He poked him in his sleep on his shoulder and injected the bubble into his bloodstream.”  
“Which led to cardiac arrest.” The so called Psiioniic was standing by the door. He lisped and eyed Dual. They always had a strange rivalry. The fisherman knocked on wood before puffing out a large ball of smoke. He looked like a chimney. They all had pleased looks on their faces. The man had met an unfortunate end in his sleep. And if Dual paid off the law he would fine. Actually, I think I hear her laughter coming closer to the door way. The blind legislature stepped in along with her sister. They laughed and chortled in their native tongue. The blind lady sat at the end of the table. Her companion beside her. 

 

“It is certainly quiet in here. Have we good news?” the Marquis spoke with a slight Russian accent. She was damn near drunk. Neophyte waved her hand and whispered to her.

 

“Or have we bad news?” Neophyte had a thicker accent, she went off laughing at the end. 

 

“He’s dead, It’s a night to celebrate.” Altar boy placed a hand on my shoulder tapping his middle finger against my skin. When he removed his hand he pulled at my strap causing it to slide a bit. Highblood shot a sideways glance at the eager body next to me. He smiled and walked away pulling up a seat between Dual and Father. I look to highblood but find myself drawn to the older Vantas. He was rugged but smooth. His son came out an albino but he was all things greek gods wanted to be. Hs shoulders were not the size of GHB for sure but they were still wide and his chin was smooth but so flattering. His hair was a mess atop his head combed to the side like his eldest sons. It was thicker and much more coarse. God I wanted to run my hands through it. His skin was just a shade lighter than everyone else’s in the room. His lips were full and his eyes were- 

 

Staring right at me. They were seductively hooded as he returned my gaze. He kept his eyes on me on me for a moment longer not letting me break hold. He parted his lips and turned away from me. The only others who saw my moment of weakness was Dual. the bastard cocked a brow at me with his shit eating grin. I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him. 

 

“The shit you're smoking stinks, snuff it.” I turned away from him letting the back of my chair face them. The Condy and GHB turned to see what caused me to speak. 

 

“Diiiirk! That’s not a nice way to speak to adults!” My teacher spoke up. She said my name. I looked over to to GHB and Condy. They didn't seem to care about this. 

 

“Oh shell, we knew the whole time. Now that Serket let it out we can’t have fun dressing you up.”

 

“I’ll still dress up.” I fussed my hair and turned to her. 

 

“Maybe send him into modeling. A lot of people would want a piece like him.” Dual smiled at me again.

 

“Don’t sexualise the boy.” Father tapped on the table once again taking the time to smother me with his gaze.

 

“Highblood sexualised him enough, give the kids a break!” Condy tossed her hand to the air, her hair fluttering about her. Her dear friend laughed. She a poked a finger in his direction. 

 

“Why is your son sneaking off to the Egberts house?” She was drunk and started. 

 

“You keep tab on my father's home?” 

 

“To keep them him safe, wriggler.”

“From?” He shook his head my question and ended it by turning away from me. I sat back down and polished off this bottle. I frowned seeing as that meant I needed to step out again. The Father followed after me keeping right on my tail.


	16. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a light chapter I think

Dirk Strider

 

I have been ignoring Grand and keeping my distance from the room since I walked out for another bottle. Vantas walked out with me and hasn't left me alone since. Not that his company was unwanted. He wrote things down in a little book, usually his inspirations for his next sermon. The party felt like too much so I slipped out into the cool darkness. The night welcomed me back with open arms like a Father's embrace. I chuckled and shrugged off the thought. I wasn't exactly out yet. There's a little cement hallway that leads to some stairs and then I'll be out. Vantas still walked just behind me. 

 

Once I reached the steps it seemed he slowed down a bit, like he had zero intention of coming out. I reached the fifth step and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He let out a light laugh before taking a step up. He kept a relative distance in our short travel up. I hoisted myself up onto the shorter end of the stone fence. Crossing my legs I leaned back on my palm and downed the bottle greedily. It burned my throat this time. He leaned against the other fence and stared at me. His hand were in his pockets at the moment and his almost red eyes studied me. The lighting obscured half of his face and it sent chills down my spine. 

 

Having nothing else to look at I stared back at him. The alcohol was getting to me now. I felt the rush go straight to my head and I felt like wings were sprouting on my neck. My legs felt light as well as I kicked them. Somehow my stare went the ground between us. I leaned my head to the side in thought. A sigh passed through my lips. 

 

“You're starting to look a little tired.” His voice was like a whisper being carried by the wind. I looked up and saw that he was much closer than before. Right in front of me really. He separated my legs and placed a hand on my head. He was only a few inches shorter than Grand. My arms went around his waist and I laid my head against him. He stroked the back of my head smoothing my hair. I relaxed into his touch and shut my eyes. His hand traveled down my back while his other hand rubbed my neck. He gave a light squeeze and I squeaked, he chuckled. Preacher ran his thumb over my lips and they parted easily. He stopped pulling away completely. His face one of slight confusion. The face of a man deciding between two very different roads. He bit his thumb and looked back at me. 

 

My face was one of loss and loneliness. His touch was vaguely different. He liked to explore me and take his time. It seems I've grown to liking this sort of foreplay. Gamzee had been too demanding and while enjoyable he never cared for my needs. Grand worked my body with bites and bruises. It was like brush stroked against canvas. Some were rough and blotchy others were smooth and long. Together it painted his need with a flowing river of colors. In those brief moments when Vantas held me I knew he wasn't the type to bite until pain overrode pleasure. And he wasn't in it just for himself either. 

 

He walked back inside without another word leaving me in the cold with a bottle in one hand. His steps soon faded but I couldn't say when exactly. I polished off my second bottle and stumbled back into the hallway. The doorman let me back in with a look of sympathy. Fuck your sympathy dude,there are plenty of others more deserving of it. My eyes adjusted to the low lights and I made my way through the crowd. As I walked I bumped into a few people who whispered unintelligible things to me. A hand pressed against my waist and pulled me against them. They too whispered something in my ear before letting me go into the monster. 

 

I made my way back to the room. One shoulder strap hung and my hair was a wreck. Vantas didn't look at me but kept speaking with his friend. Grand, who was rifling through a book, looked up and immediately called me over. His eyes were soft as he pulled me onto his lap. I rested my head against his shoulder as he continued to read. Condy was the next to come in along with Dual. They both chatted about their eldest kids. The topic turned towards the youngest and giggled when Dual proudly spoke about ED getting accepted to a prestigious high school. I was happy for him. Dual smiled at me. 

 

The room remained relatively quiet until Serket spoke about Vriska. I lifted my head to watch her speak. 

“Vriska.. Vriska and Terezi haven't been playing outside anymore. It's all hushed conversations as well.” The blind lawyer nodded. 

 

“None of us hang out anymore.” I shifted on his lap resting my arms on the table. “I wouldn't be surprised if she was shutting herself away.” 

 

“Her childhood friend went missing. She broke up with her zaya!” Her long wavy hair was combed to the side. While she spoke it became a veil. “My poor pauchok.” Her friend comforted her. They continued speaking alone. 

 

Grand traced words on my back. The room was sullen and I assume they all wanted to go home and rest. I wasn't sobering up anytime soon. He pulled me against him and my eyes shut as soon as I sighed. The next I awoke the cold air was biting at skin. I was quickly placed inside a car and was asleep before the driver came in. I dreamt of hands caressing me in the dark. Some clawed at my skin while others pinched me. I awoke to being undressed in a dark bed. I knew this home. I looked up at Grand and smiled while he cleaned me up. He left me in bed to curl up in the plush blankets. I shut my eyes for a moment. 

 

Gamzee was at the doorway watching me lay here. I opened my eyes and was met with a lazy grin. Said boy slid back into the darkness. His Father soon returned holding what looked like a book. I could see him leafing through the yellowed pages as he picked up whatever his eldest had left him with earlier. I turned my back to him pulling the blanket far over my head. In my own little darkness I stared at what seemed expansive. All sound was muted beyond this barricade. The only thing I possessed were my eyes. Shiny orange held wide by fear and loathing. This body I was in didn't belong to me, it didn't agree with the things I now did. The back of my head felt like fire as what can only be called as past me reared his head. I shut my eyes and held my breath as he baited me to respond. 

 

“This falling out you've had will only bring certain doom to you. Now I know this all sounds ridiculous but hear me out, Prince- “ 

Prince was a given nickname. It meant he wasn't capable of holding up the crest that had befallen him. It weighed his shoulders down and if he was not careful he'd lose his head. What a joke.

"You need to earn your right to be Dirk again. The calm, collected older brother who'd do anything to protect your family. You have that big purple monsters number and he can separate business from pleasure on his own. You know he'd help you. He'd do anything for you. Why not ask him? Poke the bear a little and show him that Strider prowess that had Gamzee wanting to stick with you.” 

 

“Right.” The first word I ever uttered broke the silence in the room. Grand looked up from his table as I got up from bed and walked over to him. The look in his eyes was one with amusement. He wouldn't know what I felt at this moment, my sick anime shades were back on my face. I could feel the electricity zipping through my body as I took hold of his hand. Something akin to sadness crossed his pretty lavender eyes. 

 

“Mr.Makara, I am going home to my family.” My voice cracked and so did my heart. Maybe when this is all over I could come back. His hand left my own as he returned to his papers. I couldn't see his face. 

 

“Leave my home, child.” And I did. I grabbed my things and ran from that house. My few clothes and school bag hit my body as I ran in the cold night only guided by the moon. Tears ran down my face and I smiled. For the first time I felt like me again. By the time I reached the school, my halfway point, my feet throbbed from running on pavement at full speed. I flashed step a few feet and retired to just walking. My hair was a pointy mess sticking up at all angles. A cat passed me by and I recognized her. The calico belonged to my neighbors, they never worried about her seeing as she was gone for weeks before returning home unharmed and full of love. We walked together until we reached my home. I walked up to the front door setting my bag down. Slipping off my shades I watched the cat saunter up her front steps and flick her tail up. She gave me one last look before entering through her cat door. 

 

My cat door was my window. I chuckled at that as I raised my fist and knocked on the front door. I stood out here in my faded red shorts and white tank top as running echoed through the otherwise silent home. The first to open the door was Jake. I looked him straight in the eyes and he did the same. His forest green eyes searched for something as Dad came down the steps. He stood with his arms crossed and his blue eyes shining. His oldest boy had returned home and was currently rolling on the floor with the other. 

 

“Welcome home, son.”


	17. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Strider Way is to pretend everything that happened doesn't apply anymore.

Dirk Strider

I always found it strange when people fell back into a comfortable silence after so much pain and betrayal. This is what picking up the pieces meant to most. Remembering what happened, accepting it, and then moving on from it. Sometimes we have to add an extra goal to the three steps no failure guaranteed equation in order to fix ourselves. For us it is working together to bring back the little ones. Dave’s still in the hospital meaning I can start working with Jake on covering up the first floor windows. We live in a safe neighborhood but Gamzee seems to make it his business to get physical with younger teens. I have not told either of them where I have gone and what I have been doing. It’s better for all if I don’t.

I left my phone on the nightstand in my bedroom as me and Jake measured the windows from outside. All the messages were saved to my personal website for later use. I had my phone restored with the more wholesome parts of my life as in our shitty music collaborations. In addition, I guess our family pictures from the beach. Dave got so red in the sun we called him Lil T because I was also red. Maybe when Egbert heals up we could all go back to that beach. Jake scribbled the measurements onto a loose leaf of paper and nodded to me before scampering into the open kitchen door. Dad had coffee ready for us, steam dancing around the edges twisting around before becoming thin and then nonexistent. Hoisting myself up onto the counter I found peace just being home. Jake handed me a cup before returning to his own and pouring in caramel creamer. It looked as if it went untouched during all the turmoil.

Jake looked thinner and his eyes sunken; a real corpse had his eyes not held a glimmer of happiness. He stared down at the creamy liquid in his cup with a small smile on his lips. Dark lashes casted a shadow over pale framed cheeks. Dad sat at the table with his head held high. I can tell by the way his eyes too looked down that it’d been a while. It did not look staged instead he looked proud and he carried a fresh dose of hope within him somewhere. It could have been different if I stayed but it made no use fretting over something I cannot change. Time was not in my hands and it never will be. All we had was hope and light to guide us through our troubling times. Dad twisting his wrist startled me drawing me back to present time. He was staring down at his watch and did so for a few seconds more before finishing off the rest of his coffee. A soft clink alerted me that Jake had already finished his cup. Mine was untouched within my cup and growing only colder. I forced myself to gulp down the cold, bitter coffee as Jake and Dad left the room.

I stood in front of the sink my hands squeezing the countertop while I stared out at the waking world. A cat strolled out with its tail sticking up while the clouds above tumbled about letting the sun find its way. I removed my glasses to get a better look at the colors I never get to see. It hurts my eyes and makes me wince but I refuse to look away from it all. I hear Jake mumbling something in the hallway to Dad so I slip them back on and turn to meet them. Jake is holding one of my sweaters and immediately tosses it to me when he spots me. He throws on a pale yellow sweatshirt. Him and me are going to stand out, Dad always told us to be us. Pink and yellow are the best colors anyway. I struggle a bit finding that lifting my arm up creates a pang of pain that ebbs down my back and towards my shoulder. Stepping out into the brisk morning air we hurry ourselves to the car and practically jump into it. Jake shivers as the car heats up, he pulls down the mirror in the front seat to see how he looks. He frowns seeing his usually gelled hair to be poofed and droopy. I snicker at the frown on his face.

“Like a kitten, English.” He scoffs and turns to face me pulling his legs up against his chest.

“Better than being a home of an avian, wouldn’t you think so?” He twisted the little mirror in my direction. I smiled and turned my head side to side to see the full extent of the ruffled mess. Dad smiled as he pulled out from the driveway. Jake did his best to make his hair look presentable. I found it easier to slick back my hair. A few strands poked out but I could easily blame the wind for messing with it. My shades stayed on no matter how out of place it felt with my hair. Jake had managed to tame his hair when we pulled into the hardware stores parking lot. Dad sent us on ahead saying he needed to stop by the grocery store to stock up on food. He shared a look with Jake before leaving us be.

Jake looked at me before heading to the store. Inside was standard for a hardware store but they had what we wanted in an especially flattering matte finish style. Jake slapped me with the receipt when I had told him as much. As we joked on our way out I caught sight of a familiar car. I stared with narrowed eyes as we passed by it. I recognized the tiny leaflets scattered about the front seat. A chill ran up my spine as I remembered the other night at the club. The taste of sweetened fire water and the smell of half naked sweaty bodies rubbing together in the dimmed rooms made my chest feel tight. The many meetings held by close friends of owner, or so it had seemed. Strange how he was there not too long ago yet it seemed a lifetime away. For a few heartbeats he stared into the empty car. Excited chattering tugged his attention back to his senses. 

I recognized a voice that sounded like a rock being grated.

I turned and saw Karkat angrily sharing news with Jake who smiled enjoying the small boy’s frequent expletives. Dave would’ve taunted him about his friend’s cute black umbrella, no doubt a gift from one of the Leijons. Beside him stood a much taller and more defined man with broad shoulders and a presence that demanded respect. He had disgustingly soft eyes that seemed to study me with keen interest threatening to bubble over any minute. I could see flickers of something primal lurking just beneath the liquid surface. Something dark spiked me with those eyes and before I knew it, I had flinched. A small movement but he had seen it while the talking around us seemed to grow a little louder.

I could see that Karkat wanted me to initiate a conversation. I’ll accept his offer.

“Long time no see, Karkles.” Something akin to happiness crossed his features. “How’re you holding up?”

“Pretty well without your petty relationship drama, you know your relationships read like a crappy novel right? The clown hasn’t been around so it’s freed up some time for me and Mituna.” His eyes were bright.

“Did it go to good to use?” I smiled down at him glad he wasn’t prying any further.

“We sorted out his entire Pokémon collection.”

“Sounds like a damn good use of your time. Where is bee boy anyway?” I looked around spotting the head of the Captor family cursing at a shopping cart as he tried to tug it from the others. To my relief Kankri went over to help him calm down. A shaky sigh left my lips as I continued looking around the parking lot. I spotted a familiar mop of shaggy brown hair at the far end of the parking lot chatting excitedly to a woman I had never met before. Karkat was standing beside me now staring at the woman as well.

“That’s my grandmother.” He was quiet; his voice carrying a deep sadness that I knew was not his alone. It was a burden carried by his older brother and father. He seemed content to watch his lover tell stories with the Dolorosa, as he had come to know her as, while he watched from afar. She was a kind lady and I frankly believed her heart itself was the Fountain of Youth. Maybe even the Garden of Eden. She looked no older than thirty and her voice didn’t betray her looks either. Her voice was like a song that made me want to wander until I found home and I would collapse there and cry tears until it became flooded. I wanted nothing more than to rest my head on her lap and to feel her stroke my head. I could tell Karkat wanted the same.

“We should head inside.” Jake was beckoning Karkat and me to follow him inside. We followed in silence.

“What’s brought all of you here anyway?” Jake addressed Karkat as we wandered the aisles looking for Dad.

“They wanted to throw a party which reminds me, do you all want to come? So far it’s just us and the Captors.” Karkat pulled his turtleneck further up his face and over his nose as they trekked through the freezer aisle. Jake looked excited at the prospect of hanging out with his friend’s again but I saw the strange glint of fear as he nodded his head. I can relate with both his eagerness and hesitant feelings, after all we hardly spoke after John disappeared. Sadness loomed over me while I pictured that buck toothed dork smiling and laughing with us again. If he’s watching us right now would he be angry seeing us going on while he stayed a kid forever?  
I could imagine him drifting around feeling as light as air free to tumble around in the sky. Would he smile down at us now and tell us it’ll be alright. Maybe the clouds would cry with him after all he’s being left behind. I was spacing out again, Karkat and Jake were both silent as I stared at the pork head. Karkat slapped the back of my neck.

“It’ll be alright Dirk. Let’s find your Dad and get this greenlit already.” Jake was staring down the aisle and smiled when Dad came into view. When he came closer he tipped his hat to Karkat.

“Hello Karkat. It’s certainly been some time. The house has been very empty without all of you kids running in and out of it.” Dad smiled at him some sadness on his face.

“If you’d like to hear us stomping around then I suggest coming over to our house today.” It sounded more like an order coming from the tiny crab’s mouth.

Dad’s eyes sparked to life. A party was always his favorite past-time. “I’ll bake a cake just for the occasion.” Dirk could just hear John groaning in the back of his head. The thought made him smile. After parting ways with Karkat they scoured the store In search of the best ingredients for Dad’s cake. Since they were strapped for time Dad made the hardest decision to use already made pudding for the middle layer. I made use of my flash step to get our bags to the car faster. Feeling much livelier we headed straight home, chatter a constant all throughout. Dad handed the bags with the nails and screw gun to us as well as the window bars.

“Take care of this first while I bake the cake. We’ll be done faster this way.” Jake and I nodded and stepped towards the first window in front of the house furthest from the kitchen. Our side was quiet as we set up the first bar cover.

“Do you think he’s alive?” Jake didn’t looked up as I screwed in the first two nails at the top. I stole a glance at him and saw that he had this distant look in his eyes as he stared at his reflection in the window.

“It’s been so long… If he was alive that means someone’s been keeping him prisoner locked up some place.” My voice trailed off. I swallowed my words but I found them rising up like bile burning to get out. “I hope he isn’t.” Jake shook like a leaf and swallowed too. He blinked away tears and we continued on without incident. We had reached finally completed the front of the first floor. The windows on the sides of the house were small and could not be opened all the way regardless. We moved to the back near our rooms. Silently we said goodbye to sneaking out after this. The boy’s room was sealed off and we had started on our own. Jake sighed as he held it in place and I took up my position at the top screwing in nails. We could hear Dad clattering in the kitchen humming to him as he set to making the frosting. The cake was just put in to bake. The smell reminded me that I have done nothing but inhale expensive booze and chips while away.

I suppose we all looked a little underweight these days. With Dad’s cakes I’m sure we’ll get back to our peak forms. “Have you spoken with Vriska at all?”

“We’ve decided not to get too close.”

“Any one new stepped in?” I felt out of place asking these questions.

“You could say that.” He sounded cynical about the ordeal. I’d probably feel the same if the love my life up and went. I’m assuming he settled for second best. Not long after our chat we finished and put all our tools away for later use. No more climbing through windows for us, now we have to walk through the back door. As we grew near the smell of cake and sweet things made us tremble like kids on our first Halloween alone. Excitement flooded our thoughts with goose bumps on our flesh when we stepped into the kitchen. If I hadn’t lived with the man for so long I could have sworn he was Willy Wonka.

I really hate that movie now.

The shower was calling my name as I stumbled through the living room suddenly feeling sticky and gross. I stripped as I walked dropping my clothing onto the floor promising to pick it up later. I reached the bathroom just in time seeing as I was about to peel off my boxers. Shutting the door behind me I turned the water on hot and let the steam build up while I checked my face in the mirror. It looked just about the same with little signs of my bad habits. I opened the cabinet and grabbed a hand held mirror. Turning around he held the smaller mirror up to see how his back looked. He rolled his eyes and rubbed his face. There were scratches all down his back, some looked ready to leave scars. This is what he gets for taking no breaks from rough sex. He hoped it looked like nothing more than cuts from training sessions.

Putting the mirror down he walked over to the shower and opened the hamper to drop his boxers inside of it. His brows knitted together when he saw John’s sweater sitting at the top. This one had been too big for him used only for sleeping or going out in layers. Now it lay dirty in the hamper with spots of dried blood. Looking closer he noticed something familiar on the bottom hem. Shaking his head he dropped his boxers in and got under the welcoming thuds of hot water letting his mind empty itself and become one with the steam.

Jake had used the shower right after me nearly knocking me over as soon as the door was opened. I dried my hair and styled it up feeling a little bit more like myself. I threw on a black tank top and left my sweater hanging by the door. Black skinny jeans are a must lately. I sat on the couch listening to the rhythmic beats of the distant shower as I curled up with my knees against my chest. Dad seemed just about down with his prepping. Now he just waited for the cake to cool in the fridge. He came out into the living room and sat on the other end of the couch with a newspaper in his hands. For a little while I dreamt of running around the park at night during the summer with my brothers. Something dark always loomed over us as if that park was the key to it all. That was where I met Gamzee and his brother. They both were snug on the kid’s slides nothing but silence except for Gamzee’s laughter. The smell of weed wafted from them and it was easy to tell without the smell that they were blazed and had entered a society far above this mortal plain.

Gamzee was leaning off the side his fingers tracing along the sand while one of his legs were thrown over his brothers. Kurloz was leaning back staring up at the sky. He had one leg stretched out while the other was hanging over the side of the slide. If it weren’t for the parks orange light they would melted with the shadows and I would have never met them. That was also the first night I had slept with Gamzee. Kurloz had stayed on the slide reading from a small black book while I and his brother fucked on the platform at the top.

Kurloz never seemed to care what Gamzee did so long as he was happy. I admired that.  
Soon he began hanging out with me and my brothers. Kurloz would watch from the shadows of the slide until one night I noticed he stopped coming. He had stopped hanging around a long time before that Gamzee had said. I felt bad for stealing his brother from him. I saw nothing wrong with what we had at first. It wasn’t long until I got stuck in his trap for good. I never had any real will to do anything. Who knew it would spread and infect so many people. A light tapping woke me up. Jake stood above me with a weird look on his face.

He smiled when he saw my orange eyes peering up at him. My shades were digging into the couch and hanging off my nose. I sat up and cracked my back. Dad was packing the cake up and was ready to head out while I had been snoozing on the couch. Jake helped me up; I wasn’t really feeling it so I slumped over him and stuffed my face into his hair. It didn’t give too much still maintaining some of his shape. He groaned but herded me out of the house; again he already had my sweater with him. Instead of putting it on like a normal person I threw it over my head and let it dangle all lumped up on my shoulders. 

Dave is- Dave is sick isn't he? He won't come back to us like before. The kid use to be like rubber being sad one minute and then bouncing back with a plan. John would be his partner in crime 100% of the time getting into a series of shenanigans. They baked a cake one time while Dad was pulling a double at the office. The first thing they managed to fuck up was grabbing the flour. The bag was open and with John's carelessness it tumbled over spraying his face down to his shoes in one mini snow storm. His glasses were smeared with fleck of flour after he screeched and dived into the sink. He kept it as a souvenir after the incident. 

Dave was in charge of preparing the oven and picking out the pans. That was a simple enough task and he was done quick enough to help pick up the fallen flour. Half the bag was left but the boys deemed it enough. Flour was still scattered about the kitchen thanks to their crap attempt at sweeping. The dust pan was sat beside the pile of flour on the floor forgotten at this point. John dumped the flour into a bowl and Dave ran off to grab the eggs. Three of which he dropped as he flash stepped back to John. 

It was a disaster. Whatever had made it into the cake wasn't mixed or cooked thoroughly. Dad bit into a half cooked yoke but he was beaming with pride. John hated cakes and sweet things, not a very big secret. But he had made the cake. His two boys did. 

And now they're gone. And life keeps going on.


	18. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not proud of how this turned out. I feel like it's lacking. But that's how most of my work turns out anyway so-

Days in the past, but not many. 

 

Gamzee Makara 

He's been here for some time prancing around in a dress and wearing fake boobs. Even if he does pull it off nicely he is no longer the boy I met at the park. The boy that held my brothers jealousy from day one and for a hundred years in the future. The boy who couldn't handle his booze but could take a kick to the gut and a bat to the head. I wonder which one remains the truth? See Dirk was what I would call an open canvas, a tricky bag of miracles. At that tender age of self discovery we shared moments. We shared blood. We spilled blood as well. I always saw him as timid who was afraid of his own reflection. 

 

To stare into those flaming orange eyes he said it caused him torment. Those eyes mocked him, brought him discomfort. He said there was a disconnect between what he felt and what he saw. Every faded scar on his pale body was a glaring disrespect for his accomplishments. His eyes were cold, he said they toyed with him. I found it funny because I didn't understand what was wrong with that. I didn't feel a disconnect when I stared at the mirror and traveled deep into the purple flecks of my doped out eyes. I felt disconnected from the world around me, from the lives of those who openly accepted me but never cared to check if the pieces were all in place. This separated me from them and made me dependent on my habits. You know those habits your parents turn a blind eye too? 

 

Those always kept me stable. 

 

Flying higher and higher, until the medication Dad put me on had no effect without the drugs. The slime pies started out as a gift to the house. Kurloz told me they put a new kind of drug in them, a drug created by Dad and his colleagues. I never understood the implications or the backlash of getting into said habits, but before long I needed them. My Insides went and became twisted and flat out didn't function without them. My mind became a warped carnival ground full of voices whispering to me from beyond the void. 

 

Help, help. Set us free. 

 

They'd chant it for however long I was clean. Sometimes it would make my ears ring and other times it would force me to sleep. Kurloz and Dad tried to help me, honest they did. But the little lost boy came back a dirty fucking clown. The drugs were a part of me by the age of thirteen, after I met the monsters. My family has the money to keep me and my righteous bro from slipping through the hole. My name means something here. It's both a burden and an incredible leverage for my Father. He's a good parent, but business comes first. 

Sometimes we wouldn't see him and presumed him dead. Three days later he'll stumble through the back door all bruised and bloody but with his head held high. He would exclaim something about buying a new suit, “Maybe I'll get a dark grey one.”, and we’d all cook dinner together and pretend a bullet didn't graze his ear or that a knife was buried deep within his arm just a few minutes ago.

 

The drugs didn't let me go through a rebellious phase. Instead it kept me up at night writing the mirthful callings of the carnival. I wrote the wicked acts hidden behind the velvet tents, transcribed the stories of the voices in the dark. I filled pages and pages of marbled covered books. They filled my closet shelves until I had to pile them up on the floor. My hands would hurt from writing, but I kept at it until I bled and tears were streaming down my face. This was the most I could do to pay tribute to my Messiahs. I wouldn't stop until the sun rose and the voices went to sleep telling me to rest my head as well. And then the singing would start from the farthest depths, Mother would sing to me. She was the oldest and the most terrifying of beasts. Once, she said, she lived in deep waters tinged with the blood of many others. Her voice shook with delight when she described precious eyes much like mine staring up at her with adoration. She could never let us go.. 

 

She was so happy to have a baby boy. One day she would let me write down her stories. She said that would not be for a long time but my dedication would prove myself worthy of her frail and gentle words. I would sleep. Often forgetting to eat and clean myself. The blood from my fingers and palms would dry and crust over while a steady thrumming shook my whole body. My heart, as I've come to recognize it, might give out if I don't try hard enough. I need to hear Mother's words and it needed to be scrawled out in black ink.

 

I spent so long living by lamp light that I forgot the color of day. The swirling of thin, wispy clouds over a backdrop of a sky that was truly black. I remember what it felt like when I was in elementary school, the last year, and Kurloz slipped me a note letting me know summer was going to end and to knock if I was still alive. I knocked twice and let my knuckles drag down the thick wood when fatigue lashed out with its pretty kitty claws. I stood still forcing my body to stay erect when it desperately wanted to curl up on the floor and drift off to sleep once again. Instead I turned around and floated down my little hall passing the bathroom on the way. It could have taken me a century or it could have taken me a few seconds. The passage of time didn't register in my sickened mind and even less on my body. I felt as if my skin was becoming heavy, a coat over my true self. I stared at the mirror studying my underweight and pale frame. My hair was matted with sweat, dirt, and oils. It didn't itch enough to make me call for help from Dad. It hung down like a sad wig curling awkwardly at the sides near my ears. The ends were brittle and dirt clung to it. My face was a pathetic image. Sunken, pale, bony, and overall not me. 

 

They told me my face was holy grounds now that I was one with the Dark Carnival. I needed to paint it and paint it I would. I slumped back into reality twisting my protesting neck to look at the big windows covered by thick blankets. I tugged them down without a second thought. My eyes shut and burned like a thousand hot needles at pricked my eyes with a vengeance. The pain subsided enough for me to blink them open and to squint. Before me was the vivid blue sky. Clouds danced around like ribbons while the sun sat not far off to the side obstructed by the wooden frames. It was lightest blue I've ever seen. The more I looked the more colors I saw, the gradient was mesmerizing. It was like seeing color for the first time. Inside my head the voices whispered to me all the pretty colors I'd see if I stepped out of the window. 

 

My feet were glued to the floor and I was still clutching the blanket I had used to cover it all up with. I don't know how long I stood watching the sky. It was another shock to watch the world light up like a fire was taking over horizon. The sky was putting on a dazzling show before it all turned dark and the moon would grace the sky. My tears had ran steadily as I watched it all flow. 

 

They felt dry and heavy now, so I curled up by the window and wrapped the blanket around my shaking frame. Sleep came easy, I whined as I entered the dark lands I had long left behind. Here there were no monsters or dead bodies of my friends to scratch my ankles while my feet dangled over the abyss. Here I was swaddled and caressed by the weeds of the ocean. Soft whispers stretched and embedded themselves into my brain. I could feel the stringy ribbons parting brain matter only to clinch it all together again in a mess. It was like a child playing with thread and needles for the first time. It explored and experimented with it's soft mush canvas. 

 

The next morning I crawled across the floor. My body screamed in agony, my skin itched against the carpeted floor, but I made it to the end. I propped myself up by clawing at the door. I stretched out my gangly arm and flicked the lock. Footsteps erupted from the room across from mine. Kurloz twisted the knob and pushed it open stopping when he was met with resistance. Big eyes like mine flecked with less purple stared down at my fragile frame. I pushed myself back and he slipped in with the new room provided. Without any gestures he picked me up and took me into my bathroom to wash away weeks of grime and dirt that clung to my hair. 

 

It took at least two hours to finish with my hair. Next was my body which was cleaned relatively quickly. He signed asking if I felt alright, did I need to be cleaned anywhere else? Of course I didn't. I felt lighter thanks to him. Without dressing me he lifted me again and carried me downstairs. He set me down on our velvet soft couch. I snuggled into the softness while he rummaged around in the laundry room. Something equally as soft was draped over my thigh. A pair of boxers. I put them on noting that they were smaller. 

 

Kurloz worked endlessly to build up back my weight and to teach me how to speak again. Learning from a mute boy left my vocabulary severely lacking. I pulled through, though I was behind my classmates. Karkat never let me fall behind opting to take over my lessons where Kurloz lacked experience. The beginning of middle school was an exciting time for me. I wore my paints for the first time unsealed. One teardrop was never the same as the other. Often the lines were blurred at the edges. Never mind when I left it unsealed and I would sweat during gym.

 

Because of this no one wanted to play with me. Karkat never my side but would scold me reminding that I need to make choices. I can't stand around holding the basketball during a game. I have to get off the field when hit with a dodgeball. Everything moved fast here. 

 

A brother wasn't all about speed. 

 

I had earned myself a name by then as being the weird lanky kid with hair that resembled a dirty mop. Kids tried to bother me by shouting obscenities and taunting me about my hair. This was a time where I thought myself tame and non-violent. That was until the older boys cornered me in the locker room and dragged their heretic finger through my MOTHERFUCKING paint. I shouted and screamed managing to startle them. I ripped my arm out of their grasp and swung hard. I felt a nose crack sideways and a spray of blood splattered across my face. The others backed off horrified at the state of their friend. Wasn't much of a friend if they left him behind while I pummeled his face. 

 

By the time the guard and police arrived I had broke his arm and shattered each one of his fingers curling them backwards joint by joint. As much of them as I could. To them it looked as if he bent them in a struggle. An eye was swollen shut and his nose was crooked. He had some of my paint smeared on him. 

 

I laughed at him while the nurse and EMT’s looked over him. Narrowed eyes turned to me, but I'm just a clown. Laughing is what I do. At night when all was over for the day I stared at the black sky and I knew this was my calling. This surge of violence within me was a gift from the Messiahs.


	19. Short Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A forest at night guiding and goading the nightmares of those lost within it. The sun never rises here and one may hope they find the way out before they're consumed.

There's only so much we could do here, like an unspoken truth. A mutual understanding of what was to come. Yet both sides fight with guns blazing and katanas shining as brightly as the eyes who holds them. It's a war that seemingly does not exist, one fought in the streets and homes. It's truly an outstanding performance for all involved to take part of the grisly chapters taunting us, whispering, into the shadows of a not yet told story. 

 

The Makara boys have a bond that rivals Strider kids. Both sheltering wounds brought on by caring older brothers undaunted by the path they unknowingly laid out for their younger brothers. A twisted clown and rogue born of blood and monsters that cradle them to sleep under a moon covered in shadows. Shadows that nipped and licked at swollen lips until they could slip into their mouths and mingle with their tongues. Perverted monsters slid down throats and swelled at the heat and moisture that only a living body could hold deep, deep, and deeper still. 

 

The confines of these bodies would shelter them as they learned to wear these skins and make them their own. One boy would giggle relentlessly and dig his dirty fingernails into the dirt as his body heaved with the effort of containing the shadowy, slippery entity. He was afraid of throwing them back up, but he knew he would eagerly lick them up from the muddy ground. 

 

The other one, our sullen hero, lays silently staring up at the now clear sky. The moon bathes him in light as he struggles to comprehend what has been done to him. The shadow sloshed within his belly and settles down at the pit of it for a long, troubling sleep. He wonders why it matters to do this, to indulge in such tricky behaviour? There's no irony so convoluted, so asinine, that it almost seems painful as a thought, that could protect him now. While his company rolled in the mud and roared like a beast that was finally realised from its cage, he stood up. He shook and stared down at his small feet. He was a small boy. 

 

And he would turn his back on the other lost boy in hopes of leaving behind this forest.


End file.
